Lost…

Laying here with music playing in the air…..

The static under my skin…..

Staring at the ceiling…..

The voices in my head telling me where I went wrong…..

I try to quiet them try to convince them that it’ll be ok…..

Of course they disobey…..

They continue to speak…. Getting louder and stronger…..

“You don’t deserve happiness….. Stay where you are…. Stay in the dark….”

I cover my ears turning over as I close my eyes tears flowing down my face…..

They’ll keep going if I don’t give in…..

I try to stay strong but they won’t stop…..

My ear ringing loudly against their hissing making my head ache…..

“I know!” I finally say as I start to sob, “I know….. I’m not good enough…. You won…. I lost….. you’re always right….. I shouldn’t have tried to find the light…..”

They finally calm as they creep back into the shadows of my mind happy with my defeat….

I’m able to lay back down feeling weak…..

Touch my wrist where I still faintly feel the static below my skin and down my veins….. knowing it will soon fade too…..

I feel the hot tears fall down my cheek making my eyes raw…..

I want to scream…. I want to cry….. I want to beg….. but I know my place….

I know my place…..

It’s here….. in the dark….. with the shadow of who I once was….. mocking me from the corner of the room…… showing the strength I used to have and lost so long ago…..

Lost….. in every sense of the word…..

Nothing could compare to this feeling….. but at least I was able to feel whole for a little while….. even if it wasn’t for long…..

I may be lost…… but for just a few moments I was found….. I was seen…. I was heard…..

And it was wonderful……