Lost in the voices

When did I loose my voice? My Inner voice? Who and where is it?

Everytime I'm faced with making difficult decisions I cant seem to find that voice withing that speaks to you and tells you what the right thing to do is.

Did I loose it during my childohood when I kept getting called fat and retarted by my oldest sibling?

Did I loose it when I saw my father constantly beat up my mother because she would catch him cheating or coming home drunk?

Did I loose it when I got constanly hit in the face because what I said was taken the wrong way?

Did I loose it when the sibling I was closest to passed away?

or did I loose it when my eldest sibling told me I should've been the one that died in the car accident?

Maybe it was the time I told him to stop but he would not and isntead decided to cover my face and take more force?

At some point in my life I allowed other peoples voices to infiltrate my head, my thoughts my soul.