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life's medication

Time on earth is lonely. Forever we have said that life is a condition for which we learn to medicate.

By M. A. HetussaPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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Time on earth is lonely. Forever we have said that life is a condition for which we learn to medicate.

We drink, we take pills, and we fuck.

But love, too, is a medication; it is a drug, and all-natural in its splendor. It has the power to heal wounds, to conceal pain that you could never take away yourself, or reveal true happiness in a moment of deep sadness. Unlike alcohol or sex, love’s healing power is forever lasting.

One might say, love is the ultimate human goal. The final stone on the path to individual enlightenment.

Though life is a balance, you cannot have something that powerful in its goodness without having the reverse. Love has a sting, and when she decides to, her sting can pierce through every level of your being – right to the core and to who you are deepest. Its effect runs throughout your entire being, even the part that is unknown to yourself, the part that you subconsciously hide, or have never known to exist.

I am aware of this part of myself. I do not know what it contains, nor what she is like, but I feel her very present when love is around. It is the part of me the aches when I am truly sad, the part that jumps when I am beyond happy, and the part that breaks when I cannot see her clearly. Love affects her most deeply, on the spectrum of my being.

You tell me such sweet things, you show me parts of myself I never questioned, or subconsciously ignored. It is almost like you have opened my eyes to the newest part of the world – open and ready for us to explore, before anyone else – together, for together is the only option, it is too overwhelming for one person, and I feel that we are two of the only people that have the ability to see the world in this way. We see the world wholly, and for what it is truthfully, down to its core and with no filter. It is for this reason that we are able to exceed and excel expectations at the rate we do. We are both scared, terrified at this acceleration.

But we cannot question it.

We have to embrace it.

And I am terrified. I am confused, and I am lost. We have to travel down this path together, whilst maintaining distance, and go through this separately. We have to support each other, and give love – a vast amount of love to counteract the fear – but we cannot become anything more than what we are right now. How does that make sense? Everything I have just put out into the universe contradicts itself entirely.

How can one thing, so beautiful in its presence, make me feel so comfortable in my journey and yet so uneasy in my execution?

I have tried to put this into words to you, and you have tried to relay this to me, but neither can really do it, because neither really understand it. I want nothing more than to give myself wholeheartedly, though I know I cannot. The sooner I focus on myself and my work, the sooner I can bring someone on my journey. And it is the same for you.

But, how much longer? Because this is killing me. Love is killing me. I feel her sting and I cannot heal.

Love has my heart, my passion and my work tied up in you, and I have no desire to get out…

sad poetry
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About the Creator

M. A. Hetussa

"Globally minded, artistically grounded, she writes. And when she breaks, words flow from the cracks in her soul."

- Raising funds for my book, expected early 2021!

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