Leaving Oblivion

I feel as though I am lost in this dark oblivion

I am trying to just find my purpose in life…

Because I know life does have purpose

And meaning.

I know it does.

But,

I’ve let these setbacks,

The big,

And small,

Nudge me into this dark oblivion

Where I feel safe and in danger at the same time…

It’s almost as if…

After all the crying

And grieving

That everything is at a stand still.

And my heart

Is waiting

For me to

Make a choice.

To stay in this dark, stagnant, oblivion

Or to leave.

I’m afraid to leave

But I’m also afraid to stay.

I’m afraid that if I leave,

Something else will try to push me deeper in to this soul-sucking black hole.

But if I stay, I’l sink further into oblivion.

Or complacency.

Maybe the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

But I feel like I’m down here, crying out for help

Hoping a man in bright shining armor will reach out

And pull me right into his arms.

Not this time.

Time for me to get out,

Without a crutch

Without fear.

It’s time for me to venture

Into what I’m really meant for.

Because I know this freaking oblivion

Just isn’t it.