Lauren

I always thought that

all the trauma that has

happened to me was somehow

my own fault. like when

my dad was doing drugs or the

times he tried to kill himself;

and when he fell off a balcony

(which caused his death) that was

also somehow caused by me.

there was also the time my

grandmother on his side got

into a car accident that caused her

to die a year before he did,

I had asked to go with her,

and all I could think from then on

was that if she had said yes I would've

been dead too.

then there have been a good

handful of other times

over the years I thought it

was me, myself and I that I had caused.

I, since then, have come to

the realization that:

1) I can count on one hand the

number of times things I had caused and the

rest was bullshit,

2) I probably am depressed, and

3) There is no God.

that is the sad truth.