When the days trembled my soul into survival
it would numb my mind from shock.
Then the night was far less gentle
as it dragged me through the stinging pain
of waking my senses again.
The reality of death
surrounding me like an abusive lover.
I wanted to take my daughter,
“No! You can't have her Cancer,
no, she can not be yours.
I will not, I can not stand on the sidelines and wait.
The neurosurgeons stared,
they stared at my cognitive abilities
to comprehend brain stem damage,
a tumor the size of a golfball
that stole space in my 3 year old's precious mind.
I stared back,
I stared in their eyes, in disbelief
that everything I fought for,
everything I sacrificed for was…
I wanted to say it was in vain
I wanted to say this is my fault
I wanted to say I failed
But I didn't have time for that.
I had a new battle
and the bloody sunrise gave me no rest.
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