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by N. Thomas about a year ago in heartbreak
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June 2020

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

Knowing so obviously that I've fallen head over heels

Knowing calm for those few days and remembering how peace feels

Knowing that by his side is the only place I sleep so soundly

Knowing that I find my comfort with his arms around me

Knowing for those few days what it's like to be me again

Knowing to take advantage of the pleasure that only comes now and then

Knowing for those few days what happiness actually is

Knowing with every touch that my feelings are not his

Knowing for those days that I can relax and breathe

Knowing the ache of missing him almost as soon as I leave

Knowing for those days I can relax and let my guard down

Knowing that I can't really have what I have finally found

Knowing how slowly the visits come and how quickly the days passed

Knowing with every smile and every laugh we share that it will never last

Knowing with every kiss that he'll never truly be mine

Knowing with every visit that I'm on borrowed time

Knowing that I can't utter the words to his face and trying hard to hide them

Knowing that I can't show him the tears and must deny that I cried them

Knowing that I've found my happy place but I can't stay

Knowing so clearly what I want and seeing it slipping away


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N. Thomas

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