Jess's Book of Poems

The Dog

He held her on a leash

She’d speak out, he’d call her “bitch”

She struggled to leave his hold

He held on tighter.

She tried to run away

But his voice called her back.

He was her only hope

She found a place to lay with him

When she whimpered

He thought it was cute.

When she slipped and fell

He laughed.

She finally ran away

At first she couldn’t stop going

She felt so powerful

But she started panting

Needing water, needing him

She ran into random homes and stores

No one understood her like he did.

She retraced her steps and ran

In circles, finding herself back in his arms

Back to him.

Sob story

I loved you when I was broken

Then I loved you when I got better

I loved you when you fixed me

Then I loved you when you broke me

I loved you when I cried

And I yelled in frustration

I loved you when you left me

And I love you even though you’re gone.

Liar

You lied to her.

She went on your side

You knew what she went through

Invaded her space

She didn’t know you touched her

I confided in you

I trusted you

I let you in

What if you wanted to do

The same things you did to her

To me?

Now she lives in pain

And the worst part is

You knew that she would.

And I’m in pain too

Not because of what could’ve happened to me,

But that it wasn’t me instead of her.

Angry

You think I can get over it,

Start a new life with you.

You think it’s that easy,

To forget about someone you love.

Then you get mad

That I’m me.

I can’t let anything go

Except for you.

Jolene

You tell me not to worry.

But I look at her.

You don’t hold me like you hold her.

She’s… perfect.

Her hair, her smile, her body.

Her voice, it moves mountains.

Her mind isn’t screwed up.

She’s care-free.

She’s never been heartbroken.

I just don’t get

How you can say you still want me

When she’s a fallen angel

But I’m just fallen.

The Secret

You tear me apart.

Driving my mind to shreds

Throwing up at the thought of you.

You define me, when you shouldn’t

Sometimes I succeed, other times

I let you get to me.

We’re toxic for each other

But you got me to where I am.

And now that I’m too hurt to be with you

I realize how much I need you.

Sadly, Me

Obsessed with what I can’t control

Compulsive thoughts stealing my energy

Disorder that can’t kill me soon enough.

Traveling

One day, I’ll be there

Inside an evergreen forest

Where the leaves rustle in the calming wind

The coconuts are as ripe as my mood

And the birds chime as a chorus.

One day, I’ll step out

And move the palms out of my face

To reveal the whispering ocean

Clear and reflective of the summer sun.

One day, I’ll have reached my goal

Of gazing at the cotton candy sunset

And cool salty waves

With a camera in hand, inspiring all.

Angry

I show you my anger

As you showed me the pain.

I showed you my deepest wounds

The first thing you did was cut deeper.

I showed you my tears

All you did was show me a river.

I showed you my insecurities

You told me I was right to have them.

I showed you my voice,

All you did was sing better.

I showed you I could run,

You made me run away.

But I still show you my love

And you still want to show me yours.

The Battle

I think I’m stuck. He broke me.

There’s something about him, our connection that’ll never be lost.

But then there’s you.

Your sideways smile and your wise words

Make me forget.

I’m talking to you and the weight

Of his pain is lifted.

Me and him, we had our time.

I just can’t accept the word “had.”

He’s over there; you’re here.

You’re my favorite place.

I want to sit outside with you

A fire in front of us and ignited in us.

We can forget our pain

And just stare at the sky.

I want to wake up with you

And feel safe in your arms.

Why do things have to be complicated

When i can just do what I truly want?

I can tell my mind to screw off.

To let go of the idea of something.

And be ready for the reality of you.

When will I be ready

To break up with my mind

And stop doing what it wants

And instead,

Do what my heart wants.

I’ll be with you some day, I promise.

Once i conquer my mind and let my heart take over,

I’m all yours.

The Movie

My life is a movie when it shouldn’t be.

There’s this prince charming waiting for me at my new home.

And I’m stuck on a jerk back home who won’t treat me right.

I’m a damsel in distress.

But my life is more than a movie.

I actually know that I should fall for prince charming.

I’m not gonna let my life be as long as a movie.

I’m gonna realize I deserve prince charming

One day.

I hope it’s before the movie ends.

Monsters

We let monsters hurt us and walk free; no one knows.

Everyone thinks they’re a saint; no one knows.

They get to move on and be happy, while I’m eternally suffering.

They’ll never understand how they’ve impacted my life.

And they don’t want to.

One day I’ll stop being stuck

In the mentality that they define me

That the world needs to know what they’ve done.

One day I’’ll love myself

And stop being angry at the pain.

I’ll be ok with knowing

That they’ll never know how to love me like I deserve.

And they don’t want to.

Toxic

I can’t be with you.

If I was with you again, I’d get too many bad thoughts.

Yes, I’d Be happy that you only want me.

But everything in the past would just destroy me.

You and that girl who you wanted to move on to.

You putting your head on her arm.

Being friends with girls who are mean to me.

And prettier than me and nicer than me.

Well, one of them is.

It would eat me up.

Would i be happier if i just let you go altogether?

You and i are toxic.

I’m insecure and thats not fair to you.

I think shes prettier and nicer and more normal.

And you thought about her for a second.

You like your girl friends more than you loved me.

Just get over it. It cant happen.

Yes, id be happy and not missing you.

But it always goes back to the same lesson.

The right thing is never easy.

The Nightmares

I got nightmares last night about us

You posted a picture with this other girl

And I thought you threw away your promise

Of being with me forever.

Then you started posting pictures with other girls I knew.

You changed and forgot about me.

The great thing is that I was sad for a little bit

And then I got angry.

I wasn’t paralyzed with despair.

I laughed it off.

Maybe that’s foreshadowing.

I’ll keep being sad about you today

But maybe tomorrow I’ll just get angry

And forget all about this bullshit.

Sad

I’m very very very sad.

To the point where i can’t see

becaus the tears bloc m eyes

Im paralyzd

Does no on feel my pain>?.

Mayb they do the y just

keepn it, inside

I camt stop wonderng

WOuld i be ok.,

If i didnt met yu at all?

I’m angry

Angry I worked hard for something

And it was taken away and given to someone better.

I was happy to do what I wanted

And you replaced me.

You ruined my excitement, my confidence.

And I just had to sit there and take it.

You basically told me I’m not good enough.

I could’ve done well.

But I was just leftovers.

You didn’t care about me as much as you cared about her.

The worst part is I knew this would happen.

My friends would get it and I’d be so close but I wouldn’t fucking make it.

Because I never do.

And then when I do, it’s gone anyways.

You won’t change

I need to stop thinking that you will change.

You’re gonna be the same evil person you always were.

You’re gonna treat me like I’m worthless because you know I’ll keep coming back.

And then you won’t give me the time of day to talk about it.

I put in more effort for someone who destroyed me,

than you put in for someone who treated you like the world.