Jess's Book of Poems
For those who are happy, broken, or both
He held her on a leash
She’d speak out, he’d call her “bitch”
She struggled to leave his hold
He held on tighter.
She tried to run away
But his voice called her back.
He was her only hope
She found a place to lay with him
When she whimpered
He thought it was cute.
When she slipped and fell
She finally ran away
At first she couldn’t stop going
She felt so powerful
But she started panting
Needing water, needing him
She ran into random homes and stores
No one understood her like he did.
She retraced her steps and ran
In circles, finding herself back in his arms
Back to him.
I loved you when I was broken
Then I loved you when I got better
I loved you when you fixed me
Then I loved you when you broke me
I loved you when I cried
And I yelled in frustration
I loved you when you left me
And I love you even though you’re gone.
You lied to her.
She went on your side
You knew what she went through
Invaded her space
She didn’t know you touched her
I confided in you
I trusted you
I let you in
What if you wanted to do
The same things you did to her
Now she lives in pain
And the worst part is
You knew that she would.
And I’m in pain too
Not because of what could’ve happened to me,
But that it wasn’t me instead of her.
You think I can get over it,
Start a new life with you.
You think it’s that easy,
To forget about someone you love.
Then you get mad
That I’m me.
I can’t let anything go
Except for you.
You tell me not to worry.
But I look at her.
You don’t hold me like you hold her.
Her hair, her smile, her body.
Her voice, it moves mountains.
Her mind isn’t screwed up.
She’s never been heartbroken.
I just don’t get
How you can say you still want me
When she’s a fallen angel
But I’m just fallen.
You tear me apart.
Driving my mind to shreds
Throwing up at the thought of you.
You define me, when you shouldn’t
Sometimes I succeed, other times
I let you get to me.
We’re toxic for each other
But you got me to where I am.
And now that I’m too hurt to be with you
I realize how much I need you.
Obsessed with what I can’t control
Compulsive thoughts stealing my energy
Disorder that can’t kill me soon enough.
One day, I’ll be there
Inside an evergreen forest
Where the leaves rustle in the calming wind
The coconuts are as ripe as my mood
And the birds chime as a chorus.
One day, I’ll step out
And move the palms out of my face
To reveal the whispering ocean
Clear and reflective of the summer sun.
One day, I’ll have reached my goal
Of gazing at the cotton candy sunset
And cool salty waves
With a camera in hand, inspiring all.
I show you my anger
As you showed me the pain.
I showed you my deepest wounds
The first thing you did was cut deeper.
I showed you my tears
All you did was show me a river.
I showed you my insecurities
You told me I was right to have them.
I showed you my voice,
All you did was sing better.
I showed you I could run,
You made me run away.
But I still show you my love
And you still want to show me yours.
I think I’m stuck. He broke me.
There’s something about him, our connection that’ll never be lost.
But then there’s you.
Your sideways smile and your wise words
Make me forget.
I’m talking to you and the weight
Of his pain is lifted.
Me and him, we had our time.
I just can’t accept the word “had.”
He’s over there; you’re here.
You’re my favorite place.
I want to sit outside with you
A fire in front of us and ignited in us.
We can forget our pain
And just stare at the sky.
I want to wake up with you
And feel safe in your arms.
Why do things have to be complicated
When i can just do what I truly want?
I can tell my mind to screw off.
To let go of the idea of something.
And be ready for the reality of you.
When will I be ready
To break up with my mind
And stop doing what it wants
Do what my heart wants.
I’ll be with you some day, I promise.
Once i conquer my mind and let my heart take over,
I’m all yours.
My life is a movie when it shouldn’t be.
There’s this prince charming waiting for me at my new home.
And I’m stuck on a jerk back home who won’t treat me right.
I’m a damsel in distress.
But my life is more than a movie.
I actually know that I should fall for prince charming.
I’m not gonna let my life be as long as a movie.
I’m gonna realize I deserve prince charming
I hope it’s before the movie ends.
We let monsters hurt us and walk free; no one knows.
Everyone thinks they’re a saint; no one knows.
They get to move on and be happy, while I’m eternally suffering.
They’ll never understand how they’ve impacted my life.
And they don’t want to.
One day I’ll stop being stuck
In the mentality that they define me
That the world needs to know what they’ve done.
One day I’’ll love myself
And stop being angry at the pain.
I’ll be ok with knowing
That they’ll never know how to love me like I deserve.
And they don’t want to.
I can’t be with you.
If I was with you again, I’d get too many bad thoughts.
Yes, I’d Be happy that you only want me.
But everything in the past would just destroy me.
You and that girl who you wanted to move on to.
You putting your head on her arm.
Being friends with girls who are mean to me.
And prettier than me and nicer than me.
Well, one of them is.
It would eat me up.
Would i be happier if i just let you go altogether?
You and i are toxic.
I’m insecure and thats not fair to you.
I think shes prettier and nicer and more normal.
And you thought about her for a second.
You like your girl friends more than you loved me.
Just get over it. It cant happen.
Yes, id be happy and not missing you.
But it always goes back to the same lesson.
The right thing is never easy.
I got nightmares last night about us
You posted a picture with this other girl
And I thought you threw away your promise
Of being with me forever.
Then you started posting pictures with other girls I knew.
You changed and forgot about me.
The great thing is that I was sad for a little bit
And then I got angry.
I wasn’t paralyzed with despair.
I laughed it off.
Maybe that’s foreshadowing.
I’ll keep being sad about you today
But maybe tomorrow I’ll just get angry
And forget all about this bullshit.
I’m very very very sad.
To the point where i can’t see
becaus the tears bloc m eyes
Does no on feel my pain>?.
Mayb they do the y just
keepn it, inside
I camt stop wonderng
WOuld i be ok.,
If i didnt met yu at all?
Angry I worked hard for something
And it was taken away and given to someone better.
I was happy to do what I wanted
And you replaced me.
You ruined my excitement, my confidence.
And I just had to sit there and take it.
You basically told me I’m not good enough.
I could’ve done well.
But I was just leftovers.
You didn’t care about me as much as you cared about her.
The worst part is I knew this would happen.
My friends would get it and I’d be so close but I wouldn’t fucking make it.
Because I never do.
And then when I do, it’s gone anyways.
You won’t change
I need to stop thinking that you will change.
You’re gonna be the same evil person you always were.
You’re gonna treat me like I’m worthless because you know I’ll keep coming back.
And then you won’t give me the time of day to talk about it.
I put in more effort for someone who destroyed me,
than you put in for someone who treated you like the world.