It's hard to be happy

it's hard to be happy

and i dont mean all the time

the reality of life is going through all emotions

but its hard to be happy

its hard to be happy in a world full of fake thrills that are alltered buy

pieces of cloth that have a label

words that hold no truth

and the easy way out

the bed is easy

not with another, but by yourself

sleeping to escape the world you're living in

i dont hate life, i dont wish to leave, i was to live more

more than i am ofering myself.

we make mistakes

and that's not even the sadness that brings the lack of happiness

i can accept the mistake for i was the one chosing to go agasint my

own

my intiution.

trying to live a life knowing it was not meant for me

given the options to guide my way in any path i choose

its hard not to see what the other side is about

one

two

three

times around because sometimes its hard to hold on to the

truth

when you try to see the best in things avoiding the

obvious evidence

the anwser is always there

so where is the line bewteen judging a situation

but not judging those in the situation

i could count the things that make me cringe as if it had happened

just a few hours ago

but i blink away the self pity of dumb decisions

because in that moment it's what i wanted

only from then on out can i say i learned a lesson

a lesson or two.

i wont do them again i tell myself

but this time i have to stay strong and no longer repeat

i know were i want to be

i know what i want to do

but i have to accept happiness needs to start with just getting out of

bed

the importance of the bed is to get the sleep we need and deserve

but like anything else, dont take advantage of its warm feeling

too much of anything is a bad thing

it's hard to be happy

by why must it be hard to stay happy

i feel nothing to where it's confusing

i guess thats better than being sad

but if you feel what i feel

in my eyes it feels worse

and then guilt comes in

told not to feel guilty for how i feel

but its hard knowing others are suffering and suffering worse

how do i help myself when i only want to help others

a distraction it may be

but there are worse distractions

i speak with first thought as i would in a conversation

but even in conversation do i bite my tongue

as if i speak only when spoken too

why do i enjoy talking one on one

but in crowds it's harder to keep the conversation

continuing the pattern of wanting to hear others

even if they could care less to her me

what i have to say is just as important

but the sounds around make it harder to find a pitch

a tone

a voice

in something that is seen in awe only to be shrugged off because

it doesnt match the pace of the lifestyle that brings a name

but i dont want my name to be known

i dont care for the title

the prize

the chaos that creeps behind it

i want the words

the work

the time

to be shared on repeat for good patterns

cattering paths for people to join

join along side my truths in the world

leaving behind the fake walls built for the smiles painted

painted like the joker

the ones who fool themselves with things with no meaning

never dissing the things people enjoy

for i see the fun and beauty because a silk top that brings joy

it's when the silk top is the only thing that brings joy

there lies the problem

lies in creating a world with no will to say no to what is seen

seen as everything.

seen as happy.