Invisible Shackles

Invisible Shackles

He hunts my every move wherever I go, I start to run but I get chased, I give in and stand in my place. I have given up the will to fight, so I stay in everyday and every night, I stay in view of your evil sight.

Every move I make, a step closer you will take, lurking in the corners and darkness of my mind.

I don’t want to be yours, you are not mine.

But I am confined to this space and time.

Let me go, let me be, let these tormented moments be history.

When we are seen together its such a charade, I walk around in this parade with a fake smile and no one seems to see the pain hidden beneath. I feel so alone and isolated even in this crowded room.

I am dressed the way you want me to, even my hair is done to your demand, everything about me is crafted with your abusing hands.

My body is here but myself and my dignity has faded away. How I hope, how I pray I can be ripped from your grasp someday.

I use to read about princesses trapped in towers far far away and here bounded and shackled to stay by your side. I want to break free, I want to roam. I want to be myself without the hurt, the torture and inflicting pain.

I no longer want to see the clouds and rain, but I want to feel the sun, I want to be able run into the arms of a man that wants me, that will protect me. But will he turn out just like you? Am I broken? Am I too unglued? I am sick of all this abuse.

When I first met you it was like a dream, I had to pinch myself to see if it was really real. You were the guy that other girls tried to steal, the man who had it all. Now I have nothing and this is my downfall. I am glued to the likes of you and I am scared to run away. The likes of the pain and the way you treat me throwing of your fists the way you beat me. I am stuck to you with these invisible shackles.

I remember the night I tried to leave, like a magician you had a trick up your sleeve, you found me, you apologised and said ‘come on home’ I said ‘no just let me be’ you screamed and said “You’re coming with me” you dragged me into the car and whisked me away, back into the darker dungeons of yesterday. You hit me so hard when I tried to flee, you re-arranged my face.

No makeup could cover the damage you done. The damage you did to me. Will I be trapped here for all eternity?

You screened my calls, I could talk to no one unless you were on the other line, I had to pretend on the surface that everything was fine. I lied to my Mother and my Father too. I convinced them that I loved you.

Love? What was that? I am so numb to feelings. I do not know what love is anymore. How I wish to begin again, back to being a child safe and sound away from these hurtful grounds. This prison, this hell. The cast you forever spell.

Again and again the beating goes, my feelings start to grow numb even more than they did the days before. I am so weak I can barely get off the floor. Weakness comes and weakness goes. The days have come and gone. In this world I do not belong, will I ever feel ‘belonging’ again?

Will I feel the sun on my face? Will I break free from this saddened place?

I freeze with fear whenever you are near. You don’t make love to me, you just help yourself. I close my eyes and wish I was someplace else. Anywhere but here. Your breath on my body makes my soul grow darker inside. Darker than the bruises you cause. Darker than the pain you make me feel. How I wish this place and time wasn’t real.

I can no longer feel. I can no longer love. You have taken away my sanity and the ability to know right from wrong. I don’t belong. I simply just don’t belong here, not in this house, but in this world. If I am to live my life like this then what is the point of living? I have given all I got and now my body and soul and mind begin to rot. I must end this eternal pain. I must learn to truly live again. I must decide. I have to run, I have to hide. Let me go from your side.

I’m not needed or wanted. I want to be free so I don’t have to have you over me like a storm cloud. With you I will never see the sun. I will never get up on my feet and run. I will never see the setting sun. I am a bird with wings that wants to fly, not sit alone in darkness and cry.

I must be myself. I have to love myself too. I must break away from you, become unglued. I need to find me and get away from you. Let me be me. Let me be free. So I can face all my tomorrows and all my destines.

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By Elizabeth Blade