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Into The Deep

Musings on finding self in letting go

By MaervelPublished 2 years ago 2 min read
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Into The Deep
Photo by Matt Hardy on Unsplash

Self.

You stood at the shifting edge of the wide expanse and thought it only a pool. A dabble here with fingers, a dabble there with toes in its shallow, foamy, welcoming breaths in and out had left you hungry for more, for what you could not see. And yet its draw you could barely resist.

Self.

'It’s only a boat', you’d said even as the bough stretched and the sails spread, wide and beautiful above your trusting head. 'Let’s row!', You’d screamed with elation as it inched, farther and farther from the familiar. 'More!', you’d squealed at the captain’s face with more glee than you’d ever seen one with. This! This right here was life, and you were having all of it.

Self.

The creaking bough had sounded louder this time. You could barely see or hear the captain in the curtain of thick darkness now engulfing this ship. Oh it wasn’t a boat after all. Wood beneath your feet, cold harsh wind in your face, tossed from here to there. This was much different than you had imagined. ‘More!’, this time with a voice you barely recognized and barely able to stand to your feet. ‘More!’, why not, you had heard of this captain’s skill.

Self.

The bough breaks, water rushes in. This is no pool and you have never been here before. ‘More?’. The water in your face where before there was only wind and mist, beneath your feet where once there was wood, in your palms, where once for dear life you held on to the ship and now in your lungs, where breath once kept you.

Self.

'This must be it'. The jarring chill as your cells cry out for warm air, the pain of your lungs bursting as the flood takes over, and you, outside what used to respond to your name. This must be it… the end. And you had thought this some Sunday afternoon sport. You cease to struggle and let it happen. Maybe, this really is it. The you that had walked unto that boat, no longer in sight. But as the curtain closes, something seems to happen. One arm, then the next, a stream of bubble. It can’t be.

Self.

You’re alive. The water that fills your chest is giving you a life you never knew of before. You move, as if your body somehow knows this. The pain eases, your eyes light up, you move, this is more than swimming. You’re here, in the deep. Fully immersed, breathing fluid, fear at bay, seeing for the first time, what these depths held. A sight like nothing you’ve known and then you, as you slowly realize, the air was poison, the water is life and here, right here, you’re more alive than you’ve ever been.

By Drew Beamer on Unsplash

inspirational
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About the Creator

Maervel

Long before Medicine sought my heart and time, words stood by me and held me in a sweet warm embrace. And here again, they remind me that we are far from done on this journey.

Observer|Thinker|Feeler|Writer

Maybe someday I'll love again.

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