Insecurities

Sometimes among a large crowd,

I think I hear everyone's chasing thoughts

and judgement within my mind, all echoing aloud...

but perhaps... it is just fear...

Just internal fear, screaming in my ear.

I see all of their intimidating eyes...

staring back at a so small me -

and I wonder...

what is it,

that they see?

Do they see...

the real me ?

Do I even want them to see?

Sometimes, in the midst of conversation,

I get lost...

...voices trail off to lands and times ago,

and my mind, calculates all the things

from hours ago -

that I needed to know....

Before I realize it,

the conversation has gone...

and so have I...

...among friends,

I may talk, laugh and tell jokes to no end

But even then, after it is all over,

I wonder...

Did they laugh because they truly thought it was funny?

...or deep down...

Were they all just laughing at ... me?

In a world, so full of quick judgement

and unrealistic expectations....

...it can be difficult to be...

REAL...

Human emotions can be challenging...

Hard to ...understand...to reveal...

even difficult to admit - how you feel.

Do we openly cry when we are sad -

or do we run away and hide, behind a closed door-

because we fear that it looks bad?

Do we worry what others will say...

Because perhaps - we don't feel like talking today?

...sometimes...we feel so small...

Because the world has made us feel like...

we aren't really here at all.

Perhaps many of us are feeling the same...

But we just don't explain...

Because we worry

that it will make us seem... plain.

Or perhaps, some of us are afraid to just be...human.

....Are we ashamed?

...or have we become -

NUMB?