If Only

If, a word we’ve all become accustomed to.

“If only” we all say.

Coulda, shoulda, woulda, but. Didn’t.

If........it rules large in my mind, gaining a life of it’s own. Fed by my many wishes.

If only, I always think. Not even daring to mouth the words, never being able to recall them should I utter them.

But to write them down, could I gain some composure over them? Somehow bringing my many “If only”s into perspective.

Do I have the courage here to type onto this page even one of my deepest “If’s”. What if I were to invisibly scribe it here so only I could see it?

“ ” there, it’s done. If only that were true. To share this truth of my biggest “if only”, but it’s not, and I can’t. Not yet anyway.

Leaving me again with........... “if only”