I Thought I Was Getting Better...

There is a fog in my mind.A barrier between my mind and my body and rest of the world.

I am a comet, racing through the universe, leaving nothing but a blur of everything behind. Living in a haze, outside myself. The autopilot is on. I do not speak or move or think or feel, I just watch. Observe my own self live, or barely live. I sit and feel asleep, reality’s a dream, and dreams all feel too real;I wake up crying and never remember the dream.

I am lost and this thing in my head, it growls, my mind gets frightened of sounds and colours overtake and I am in a daze

and it gets all too much and then I block my ears and close my eyes but it is in the head.

It’s all in my head.

And grasp onto my breath, the muscles of my chest are reminding me to not forget to breathe. My throat is blocked my lips are sealed and so I part my lips and let the air pass by my teeth.

I am shaking and my mind is racing a billion images scarring the inside of my brain and I scream silently until I am no longer there andI scream silently because I cannot bear anyone to hear me and it hurts, it hurts so much. I tear my skin because I’m not allowed to cry or feel and oh my god I’m going mad, I’m losing it. They’ll know, They’ll know.

..

I feel my feet tingle. I now can move my toes. My eyes still feel tired of the world, but I can see. And grasp onto my breath.

Yes! I can breathe and so I heave, the muscles of my chest push hard against my ribs as I smell smoke.They are reminding me to not forget to breathe again.

My throat is blocked my lips are sealed and so I part my lips and let the air pass by my teeth.

I feel my toes. No longer lost.I feel my blood. My mind and body interlink and I forget the boundary line. Breathe. Breathe.Unseal my lips, relax my forehead.

Live.