I’m Not Afraid to Admit

I'm not afraid to admit...

That I fear failure, and I fear success,

And I fear everything in between.

I fear being seen and I fear being overlooked,

Even in a crowded place where everyone is sprayed in the face with mace

But I have a mask on.

I fear being last kid picked and passed on all together.

I fear falling like a feather tethered to a brick with leather...

And I fear lace.

Being timed in a race.

Guessing whether or not she keeps the ace in her back pocket

or up her sleeve.

I fear the picture in her locket is not of me.

And I wanna scrape my tongue with a razor blade because I fear the taste of this place.

Just like I fear the basement, the attic, and all the gin-soaked rooms in the middle.

The mysteries, the muddles, all packed down into mud puddles.

I fear the simple and the complex.

The firsts, the lasts, and all the nexts.

I fear random acts of kindness, blindness, and the voiceless.

I fear venomous pretensions. The Poisoned.

I fear detention- bad intentions.

I wanna cut off my ear and send it to her,

And not because I think Van Gogh was a hero,

But because I fear hearing the words,

"leave me alone- just go!"

I fear the normal and the paranormal.

Heaven, Hell, and being in Limbo;

God, demons, angels, and the Devil.

I fear crosses and hexes.

The vexing phone conversations, the texts, and all that fucking lack of love.

But I'm not afraid to admit...

That I fear myself the most.