I take vitamin D like it’s my own personal salvation.
As if it’s my only line of defense.
Like it's going to protect me from every horrible thought.
I am about to crack under the intense pressure of being "okay."
That’s all they want,
For me to be okay.
Watch me as I walk far enough ahead, to sneak a sad look upon my face.
I promise to turn back with a wider smile -
I promise to jump back to your place so we can move forward together.
I am hiding in plain sight, beneath the thinnest veil.
You could still see my brows furrow,
you can still see every grimace,
all the tears, and turmoil the haunts my face.
I'm trying to let the world wash over me,
moment after moment.
I know you wish for me to act as if everything is okay.
I'll disregard my gut feeling.
I'll stop feeding the beast willing to step forward and protect the family circle.
I'll Starve it -
it’s not so welcoming to the new comers anymore...
...But I can't stop crying on my bedroom floor,
and your ceiling now has water damage from the tears I've been crying all these years.
I know you cannot stand to look at my water stained pain any longer.
I promise to look at you and tell you I'm okay.
*I’m not okay*