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I don’t want to be…

by Mary Padilla 8 months ago in inspirational
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Getting closer

I don’t want to be...

I make no sense to you and

Your way of thinking confounds me

I can’t, won’t ever, don’t want to

fit in

Real, physical pain

To feel and see that which is invisible and untouchable and unknowable to you

And I’m all over the map

Searching for the thing that is



Fighting to find it

Walking miles through deserts and cities

Coast to coast

Over the seas

In foreign lands

Growing weary

The hourglass sand pouring down

And I’ve used so much energy

Not being me

The spark I feel

I can see in some people






Artists and Chefs


Writers and


People whose work sweats and bleeds out their pores

Directly from their souls

And I wonder, did I miss my boat?

Way back when

I knew what I wanted to be

But didn’t

Maybe I did

But no matter

Because I have one shot and

As long as there’s time left

I keep putting one foot in front of the other

To find it

And the more they tell me quit looking

It’s not important

It can’t be found

The more important it is that I find it

I know it’s there

Emitting a dog-whistle sound

Across the landscape

Me, honing in on it

And I know sacrifices

will have to be made to have it

But it’s a matter of my life, before death

And it must be found

So I don’t want to continue to be this person

I am not

Doing this thing

that is not for me

I’ve put it on notice because

My time,

My thing

Is coming

And the world will be brighter for it

Because I won’t just be


About the author

Mary Padilla

I’m a rider and a writer, here to give it a go.

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