I Am Never Alone, But I Am Always Lonely
Like clockwork, there you are; The same person placed into so many different bodies. Gone, but not forgotten because each one is a reminder of one before them.
I always dream of being completely alone.
In my dream world, there would be no one around to bother me.
And I would have no one else to bother.
I would finally just be mine.
And finally maybe, not lonely.
I have fallen into the habit of always having someone on standby, just in case.
Just in case I’m sad, I know they’ll be there.
Just in case I need someone to tell me that I’m pretty, I know they’ll fawn over me.
I have my “just in case of emergency contact list,” ready for any and all millennial meltdowns.
Just in case I need my body worshipped.
Just in case I need to vent.
Just in case it’s Tuesday, and I just cannot handle that.
I need them just in case I have to be alone with myself for more than just a moment.
It has become predictable, the pattern of their coming and going.
The conversations always start out cordial,
Then they always hit that point of no return.
Good morning is replaced with heavy breathing and too many fucks to even count.
Then the quiet settles in.
The distance creeps in slowly, but it is always there.
Waiting for the perfect moment to settle itself into my skin.
When one leaves, it whispers,
“Another is always ready to come in.”
Like clockwork, there you are.
The same person placed into so many different bodies.
Gone, but not forgotten because each one is a reminder of one before them.
It’s like a ferris wheel I never chose to go on and will never be able to find a way off of.
Around and around and around.
And still, it’s just me.
It is always