How to Apologize

I have not always been a kind person

You know that better than anybody

Before I learned to weave healing words into pretty poems

I was a cunning wordsmith who knew exactly the words to say and how to say them so that I could hurt you and still be the victim

And I am sorry.

Period.

No "but" this time.

Because regardless of what you did too

This is my apology

And I won't ruin it with excuses

Though I'd like to say

I behaved that way

Because I didn't understand the power of words yet

I know that in that moment

I only wanted to make you hurt

The way you made me hurt

So I sent it

I said what I said and I meant it

And for that I am sorry

I still cringe when I think back to that moment

The way your gaze retreated as realization washed over you

I took the weakest part of you

and exposed it

And I know it

And I'm sorry

I hope one day you can forgive me

That I may cross your mind

and leave again painlessly

Though I won't ask for your forgiveness because it's not mine to ask for

But yours to give at your discretion

Please don't get the wrong impression

I'm glad we ended things

This is not me asking for you back in my life, I think we've both moved on to better things

I know I have changed

And you don't have to believe it

I don't need to prove it to you

For it to be true

And though words have much power

I know in this instance

They're empty things

Without confirmation from consistent actions that you haven't seen

Now, I'm rambling...

I hurt you

On purpose

The things that I said

I made you feel worthless

I played with your head

This is my apology

And you don't have to accept it

If you don't

Well, I get it

But it's mine to offer

And I want to do better

And I am sorry.