A comedic look at picking up the wrong girl :: pbpatch.wixsite.com/pbpatch
Pert little cutie standing on the road side
Thumb out a hitchin’, looking for a ride.
Pulled over my truck, looked her up and down;
Asked if maybe she needed a ride into town.
Blonde and curly, vivacious and cute -
Hourglass figure, damn what a beaut.
Climbed in the cab and smiled so white.
Said she thought she’d be walkin’ all night.
Leaned so far over her bra nearly popped.
Tongue caressed lips, my heart nearly stopped.
“Where you heading cowboy? You seem all alone.”
“Can we go to your place so I can use a phone?”
“All I need’s a place to lay my head.”
“I’m not adverse to sleeping two to a bed.”
My chest went tight, my ticker all a flutter.
She batted her lashes and I melted like butter.
Forgot all propriety, nothing else mattered.
Took her to the crib where clothes soon scattered.
Rolled over in the morning, head all woozy;
Vaguely remembered we’d gotten all boozy.
Bed was rumpled but her side was cold.
A quiver of uneasiness began to take hold.
Angel wasn’t layin’ where she was last night.
Must be in the bathroom, hope she’s all right.
I yelled “Hey Suzy bring your beauty to my sight.”
Not a peep of a reply so I turned on the light.
Sniffed the air but didn’t smell no cooking.
Jumped out of bed and commenced to looking.
She’s not in the bathroom, nor in the kitchen.
Wallet gone from the table, it’s a fit I’m pitchin’.
Check where my keys should hang by the door,
My truck like my keys ain’t there no more.
If I find that girl, gonna lose my cool.
Gotta call the cops and sound like a fool.
Had to report the truck stolen, my only ride.
Cop smirked the whole time, I wanted to hide
Now see that my parents were right;
Even when you’re lonely deep in the night,
Mama said “No matter how cute the looker,”
“Keep it in your pants; stay away from a hooker.”
About the author
Andrew McDonald is a 30 year 911 dispatcher in Florida. He resides with his wife of 35+ years. Upon earning his B.S. in Applied Mathematics at Florida Institute of Technology, Mr. McDonald served as an officer in the U.S. Army 1985 to 1992.