HER (pt. 2)

You surrounded me in all aspects of the word

I will not think

I will not adhere to the normalcy of love in writing

You captured me, in all aspects of the word: captured

I see you in everything

I hear your sounds in everything

I opened a book and smelled you

and memories came flooding in

But my mind immediately shut it: the book and the memories of you

It can't be

It won't be

It will never be

Because we were just a memory

It all came just as fast as it went

And that is that

I stood in the forefront and would have taken bullets for you

but when it was your turn to do the same for me

You ran to hide

Caught glimpses of me from the sidelines

and whispered, 'Are you okay?'

I stood in my steps as I made my way to you everytime

I gave you the benefit of the doubt

I was older

I was wiser

I was more intellectual

I was more

I was more

I was.... more

A little too much more than you were ready for

And it was devastating how long it took me to realize that you were like a snake

sucking the life out of me

Because less is more

But I am not less

I will never be less

not for you

not for anyone

I knew that night in your car you weren't ready

you weren't sure

and you weren't going to keep your word

You would leave again

You would freak out again

and you did

I kept leaving you because you kept leaving me

alone.

That is not independence

That is negligence

You're reckless in love and life

And I want life and love

There is a difference between me and you

In all of it

I chose you

In all of it

I loved in fear that someday I would disappear

I knew I would never get my tiny home

We would never have kids

travel to distant lands

pretend you wouldn't choose your family over me, over us

but you did

And I let you

because that is not a fight I wanted to be in or win or lose

None of it made any sense to me

But I hope in all of this you learned what it was to be loved by someone who only wants the best for you

To see you through the difficult times

To talk about things instead of run and hide

To love who you are, where you are, for what you are

Accepting yourself through it

Neglecting the opinion of others

I will never be just your 'friend' nor will I ever allow someone I love, and talk about a future with, treat me in such a way that demotes who I am, deteriorates our progress, and makes me feel less than to the people that feel uncomfortable for who I am, for who we are

There was no trust

guidance

love

You were not 'in love' with me so be careful with that

If you cannot spend time with me

show me that you actually care about me and my feelings

accept the ways in which I need to be loved because you can't look past your own needs and wants

then you. never. loved. me.

I hope you read this

And I hope it makes you see

that you are not the person I thought you were

and that angers me

because when I love

I love wholeheartedly

and you took advantage of me

You are not who I thought you were

But I hope some day you become who you want to be