Heartbroken

When you met me

I was a mess

I have to say

I was at my worst

Scared, lost, abused, traumatized

Broken, dirty, half-human subcreatured shell

You didn't judge my vices

You kept me safe

And talked to me

You held me when I was frightened

And spoke life to me when I was dead inside

You encouraged me when I had lost hope

And inspired me to live better

I never expected to get better....

I didn't feel the least bit attractive or appealing

But you convinced me I was

I had lost all confidence and self-esteem

You kept convincing me of how beautiful I was

And encouraged me to pursue my gifts and talents

Somehow, somewhere throughout the adversity

And transitions going on in my life

My whole world crumbled and drastically changed

But You stayed by my side

And my feelings grew for you

But not for you

As you became bigger to me

I became smaller to you

I get angry, upset....I try harder

It only pushes you further away

Jealousy, resentment, a sabotaged self-fulfilled prophesy

Hating you for making me feel things I never wanted to feel again

Love, disappointment, and rejection

And the repetitive devaluation of self

Not much different from how you found me

I want to hate you

I want to be angry

But I can't

I'm just heartbroken