Ghost Boy/The Man That Broke Me

It's amazing how much someone can fuck with your mind

without you even knowing.

How someone can reshape your beliefs about everything.

Life, yourself, even your past.

This is the unspoken story of an abusive relationship.

I was only caught in the trap for two and a half years.

Many are caught forever, or close to it.

I met my tormentor when I was 18.

He was 23, newly divorced with two children.

These all should have been red flags,

But I was young and naive.

I assumed this man,

5 years my elder,

Was mature and old enough to be done playing games.

I was fucking wrong.

We met on the infamous tinder and had a lot in common,

Or so I thought.

Our first date he and his best friend took me and mine to a

bowling alley,

We all got drunk,

And he invited himself to sleep in my bed with me.

We had sex that night.

Call me a slut, or whore, or whatever you want to.

He made me happy, made me feel safe.

Two weeks later we were dating,

Two days after that he dropped the L word.

We moved in together shortly after.

For the first two months it was great.

After that, things began to shift.

I began to notice that alcohol was a constant,

At least every night and most days too.

Nothing was 'fun' without it.

Then came the arguments.

They started off small, normal you could say.

Then they got worse.

Bickering became screaming,

Irritated groans and eye rolls became physical abuse and

things thrown and broken.

Glares became slamming doors,

And annoyance became fear.

But only one of us was afraid.

"This is all your fault."

"You did this."

"Why do you have to fuck everything up?"

I heard these phrases so much,

They became imprinted in my mind,

And still are to this day.

To the man who broke me,

I remember everything.

Except now I remember the truth,

Not the lies you made me believe.

Remember the time I told you I wanted to stop breathing,

And your only reply was 'do it'?

Remember when you told me you'd never have children with

me,

Because I would be an abusive parent,

Just

Even though I loved and cared for your children like they

were mine?

Do you remember when you saw the scars on my arms,

Knowing damn well what they were,

And you said nothing?

Or what about when you would have found me,

Lying in a pool of my own blood on our bathroom floor,

Unconscious,

And you just left me there.

Or what about when you raped me?

Do you remember that?

When you asked for sex and I said no multiple times,

But you just kept asking,

Until finally you stopped asking and just started removing my

clothes,

And you did what you wanted while I laid there crying.

Do you remember all the times I begged for your help,

And you screamed at me and punished me for it?

You knew I needed you,

You had control,

And you fucking loved it.

You loved breaking me piece by piece.

You loved watching me fall apart at your hand.

It got you off to see me lose my mind.

Before you,

I was happy.

I was bubbly, outgoing, fun, acted like the kid I still was.

You took that from me.

You made me insecure,

Scared,

Depressed,

Broken.

You took my past and used it against me.

Blamed me for trauma others had caused me.

Made me believe that every problem was my fault.

You fucked me up past the point of recognition.

I lost who I was.

No, fuck that.

You stole who I was.

You stole my smile, my laugh, my friends, my family.

You took everything from me and turned it to shit.

You lured me into your trap with fake smiles,

Sweet words,

Promises of love,

And so much more.

And I fell for it.

But I am no longer under your spell.

You no longer affect me.

You cannot, and will not hurt me.

Ever again.

You are nothing more than the man who once broke me.

You are just the ghost that haunts me.