Fragments

The body through heartbreak feels like disappearing, that the one screaming can no longer be heard and there you are just a body.

our heart the vessel providing the beat over and over, and over but the valves become clogged and your rhythm starts to tune to a whole other beat. It's not consistent, it's not pushing itself anymore, it's no longer willing to live. Soon the muscle that is pushing you to live becomes cracked, the veins pushing blood no longer flow, no longer seems red. Your heart isn't red anymore, the blackness that has consumed you from losing the person who said he's always love you. The " I love you's", the " I can't live without you's" to the promise rings you both share, you stare at are on your dresser as it taunts your stale beating heart that you no longer will hear any of it.

Your lungs that once inhaled his cologne, once smelling the familiar cigarette scent that stuck to his clothes, to inhaling what you thought was fresh air soon became ashes, and smoke. Lungs shutting down because you can't breath, you're sinking down below an abyss of darkness and you smell it, you smell him but your lungs are hyperventilating, your throat is closing. Who's there, you can't seem to scream out for help as you no longer can breath in the world you lost long ago. Your body has collapsed.

Your hands that loved the touch of fresh cut roses between their fingers have now become numb. His touch was very intriguing till it became your obsession. Nothing felt like him, nothing felt right, and the rose petals you'd touch would slide to the thrones that protruded out. You'd prick your fingers purposely to feel something, anything at all to remember his grasp. His weight tugging down swinging your hands up and down, but now as the abyss closes within you your hand is being tugged down, to the point you can't reach for anything not even the thorn that has cut you so many times. You can't get out can you?

Your eyes that were accustomed to viewing the beauty of the world saw nothing after him. Blue became grey, red became white, and anything else became nothing but dark brown almost black as you recall his face as it smiled at you. His eyes telling you things you already knew but fumbled for words like I love you and I trust you. Your eyes saw beauty at one point, but after seeing the eclipse you soon realized what lying felt like, you felt betrayal, you saw enough you became your own lie. You saw cruelty within his beauty and soon the world was no longer beautiful.

Your bones steady, on it's feet able to withstand being broken and healing, but at the moment your frame is breaking piece by piece. When one being repaired another joint shatters, the skeletal frame that you use to value has become a home beyond repair with open windows, broken floorboards, chipped paint, and leaking faucets. There's a light inside but no one is home, and no one will ring the bell within you to remember to turn the water off.

Lastly...

Your skin the entire body of you with it's freckles covering face to toe, to the stretch marks you embraced, or the body hair you cherished all forgotten by being compressed into a bed by his weight. The way he told you he would never want anyone other than you as he took your pants off and kissed your inner thigh. At that moment you felt more beautiful than any other time in your life but now that he is but a fragment in your memory your skin is dirty, is sinful, is aching. Your skin is encasing you with everything you used to love, trapping you making you remember where he'd touch your neck, where his hands would roam, where he made you think there was nothing to be afraid of. At the end of the day you lay in your bed with the lights turned off as you are now afraid of your own-self and with his words he never meant, that he never took back.

You've have been through something called heartbreak. You feel yourself giving up and how do you know? Your home, as many try to barge in you're standing right behind the door hearing the people wanting you to come out, waiting for a reply, but you stand there defeated. Heart barely beating, lungs whimpering wanting air, hands numb, eyes drained of any emotion, bones beyond repair and skin wanting to be scratched off. You stand beside the door with your hand out but you never turn the knob, you're in the abyss and you let the darkness consume you.

Fragments of who you once where are now left with him. The one who walked away leaving you for dead.

That is heartbreak.

by.

Alecia Campos