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For the Record

Don't "play nice" like I always did.

By Jillian SpiridonPublished 3 years ago 2 min read
3
For the Record
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

Let me preface by saying that you don't want

to follow in my footsteps but instead tread the path

running adjacent, the lower road, because as it goes

the high road is not always the most ideal.

I've been called a doormat and a pushover,

every niggling attack against my character,

all because I take "being nice" too seriously

and don't want to get on anyone's bad side.

"Do me a favor," though, results in frustration

because all I can think of is how I'll lose out

in this deal that does not benefit me at all.

But "be a good girl" and "play nice" have always been

my greatest downfalls, bar few other elsewise.

I'm the shoulder to cry on, the apt listener,

the mountain for others when in fact I'm a rock

that's eroding from the inside-out slowly but surely.

By Oliver Paaske on Unsplash

I'm the stepping stone, the last to be called,

the one who receives an invite too late,

but when someone needs something

it's me to the rescue when I can barely

even bother to save myself most days.

But no, I'm the superhero without the fame,

the guru who doesn't know a whit yet

everyone wants a free therapy session.

I said I wouldn't disparage others, no siree,

yet here I am pouting in prose fashion

because I can't use my voice to say,

"Stop using me, stop taking advantage,

stop looking to me to be your savior."

I'm not asking for medals or honors;

I just want some peace for myself.

Don't you think you'd want the same?

By Ben White on Unsplash

But I'm still unseen, even to the "friends"

who would pass by me without a word

if I would hold out a hand, asking, needing.

It's not even a matter of speaking up anymore

because it's too late to change my image—

and heaven forbid they call me a b*tch!—

but sometimes I wish I could don a new identity

like a true caped crusader who simply wants

the ability to chill on an island far, far away.

But I'm not Superman or Batman—I'm probably

the villainess for even putting this down into words—

so I guess I'll ever be called the martyr that was

simply because I never said a word as the people

took and took and took and took until, at last,

there was simply nothing left to give.

Now, tell me: what's so righteous about that?

Maybe we should all be villains to a point;

it might be easier on the heart that way.

By Lujia Zhang on Unsplash

Did you enjoy this poem? You can find others—and more—over on my profile page. If you'd like to chat writing, you can also find me on Twitter. Thank you for the support!

sad poetry
3

About the Creator

Jillian Spiridon

just another writer with too many cats

twitter: @jillianspiridon

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