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For The Girl In Me Who Was Once Afraid.

by Erin Shields 5 months ago in sad poetry
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CW/TW Abuse/Domestic Violence Themes

I would like to share a few poems here that I’ve written that I’ve been wanting to share but never quite reached the 100 word minimum vocal requires for poems. I write on my social media platforms an awful lot of what would be known as ‘micro poetry/poems’ and I really enjoy it. So I figured I would just put a couple of these pieces that fit a similar theme into one post. I know this is a sad topic and maybe triggering for some so I did put a content warning in the subtitle.

Writing for me has always been an outlet, it’s always felt like the one place where I can speak the truth and fear no repercussions. I can be loud, brave and bold when I write because in the real world I could not. Writing allowed me to find my voice when I felt I had none. So this is dedicated to the girl in me who was too scared to speak out and is for the woman I’ve now become, unafraid to speak my truth, fearless (almost lol) and willing to bare my soul, even the darkest ugliest parts for all to see, in the hopes just one person is touched by my words and doesn’t end up down the same paths I’ve travelled. Or maybe you’re already here and you can relate, at least you know now you are not travelling alone, you’re not alone in any of this and you can always reach out for help. Don’t be afraid.

No Excuses, Not This Time

How can you sit there & abuse,

especially those you choose.

Does flesh & blood mean nothing to you?

*

What happened to make you this way?

Why do you think the abuse is okay?

*

I’m done with you & your excuses.

Cos nothing can ever excuse

the abuse you’ve put us through.

- Erin, 22nd May 2021

ABUSE

I’ll never forget

the abuse I’ve

endured -

you took what

wasn’t yours.

*

I’m still forlorn

over a childhood

so brutally torn.

*

There’s no escaping

memories that haunt.

*

It’s too late for apologies

Don’t tell me that you’re sorry.

- Erin, 28th February 2021

MAYBE

Maybe one day the memories of you won’t haunt me anymore.

And no longer will your name cause me to flinch or lose sight of the progress I’ve made.

*

Maybe one day the hurt will fade & I’ll be able to live my life again.

And no longer will I scare when a man raises his voice or tremble when he comes near.

*

Maybe one day this will all be over & I won’t have to be afraid.

And no longer will I hide myself away or ever let a man hurt me again.

- Erin, 24th June 2021

Thought I’d end it on a slightly more positive outlook compared to the first two pieces. A stronger note that whilst sad has hopeful overtones that one day I’ll be able to live my life without my past having such a damning effect on my present. The hope I’ll move past and recover from the trauma I’ve endured.

Side note: whilst my poems contain parts of my life and are emotionally representative to my feelings not everything I write is a direct comparison to my life. This is to say sometimes my work starts off about me and then veers into a more generalised depiction of the theme but doesn’t reflect specific things I’ve been through or feel.

I’ve endured trauma in my childhood but I don’t want to misrepresent the situation either as quite often these topics make people automatically think physical violence as opposed to mental and psychlogical which is just as damaging. I also sometimes talk about events that have happened that I’ve witnessed or been told about that have obviously affected my childhood but these are acts not directly taken towards me. I don’t want to delve too deep into this right now but yes these poems are personal to me and the trauma I’ve experienced but they are vague enough people may read things into it and idk I just feel it is important in these matters not to mislead anyone on my experiences. Maybe this is just my anxiety and in some parts maybe because people don’t take mental abuse as serious as physical and I’m concerned if someone mistakes these poems as me talking about being physically abused they might get mad at me or annoyed to find out that is not the case ( I have suffered *some* physical abuse but very little most of what I’ve experienced is more mental/psychological than physical).

I wanted to put these out there because as you can see they were all written this year and lately I’ve done a lot of reflection on my past, my childhood and it’s honestly been really getting to me as of late and even though these were written earlier this year it is still some what cathartic typing this out and getting my voice out there, heard even if by strangers so thank you for taking the time to read my works as I know they are not often the most cheerful.

If you or anyone you know is suffering in silence right now please reach out. Since lockdown there is said to be a rise in Domestic violence as we’re all stuck indoors & more isolated than ever. So I am going to leave a couple links below.

You can find more of my work on my Ko-Fi I’ll link it below. If you feel like tipping then you can do so via Vocal or Ko-Fi - where you‘ll gain access to extra content. This extra content on Ko-Fi is available for anyone who tips, whether its a recurring subscription or a one off. Tips are never expected but always appreciated. If you do like my work or it resonates with you then please consider leaving me a like and subscribing.

sad poetry

About the author

Erin Shields

27. England. Poet. I have Bipolar, BPD & Anxiety. I’ve been writing since I was 18 as an outlet for my mental health.

I also have a Ko-Fi with more of my work: https://ko-fi.com/erin

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