For Now

How can I leave them at the foot of the throne

When they fill up pages of notes on my phone?

How can I hear the end of the story

When the blood-shaded flashbacks are so gory?

Who do I turn to when the guilt chokes out my voice?

How do I forgive myself for my selfish, rash choice?

The questions that swirl menacingly around my skull

Have ramped up the throbbing, from null to dull

To raging, overtaking my senses, they’re undeniable

The mirror is cursed, I am unrecognizable

Try as I might to scrub off the stain

“Out, damned spot!” I scream into the rain

The sun hasn’t stopped shining in through the glass

But the clouds of my mind refuse to pass

There is no wind, no clearing breeze

To move the storm along, to calm the seas

And all the while he’s pondering or dozing

Wandering among musings, meandering and moseying

Ignoring the gravity of the situation

Time and again “it’s fine,” is his only refutation

The tears are blockaded in both of our hearts

Mine from shock and his from being apart

From the truth and beauty of reality

Beaten senseless by authority, the brutality!

Just pause for a moment and reflect

Thanks for accepting the apology, but don’t deflect

My heartfelt confession in favor of comfort

Complacency is a killer, the soul should come first

“Don’t let me fall again” I demand, as if he’s in control

To raise us to Heaven is the ultimate goal

For now I put this weary worry to rest

Determined to do better, to become the best.