For My Wife
How We Find Home
I, your wife, your home…..
I who loves you with every centimeter of my entire inescapable entity.
From my aging and stretching skin that envelops this body from my toes to my head.
Of each mile of nerve-endings and vessel.
Of every cell and atom.
Of every tiny minuscule hair, freckle, wrinkle, tooth, muscle and organ.
Each and every wave of energy and each beat of my heart and every exhale and inhale of breath.
Every taste bud, every drop of blood, every eyelash and every tendon.
There’s not one single tiny aspect of the physical me that does not love you.
There is not one measured ounce of my person that does not love every part of your skin,
your beating heart,
your sculpted shoulders,
and everything in between your very essence.
There’s not a part of me that does not love you….even when my body shakes from fear or anger.
There’s not a single aspect of you,
that does not forever fit in the every memory of my brain.
Tied up in every neuron and forever electrifying every smell and taste and sound of you.
Shaping the whole of you into an epiphany of true and absolute awe.
What you see as flaws are what I love the most.
Without them, they would not be you.
A human in front of me that did not have your every single tear and spot and scrape and mar….would not be you.
I will never look upon another smile the way I look upon yours.
I’ll never take a whole breath of someone’s scent and ever feel as home.
And because I know you, you flinch at each passing word where you think you are imperfect and, without loyalty, swear to yourself that you can not be fully loved as is.
I can not take those injurious thoughts away,
but I might guide them to my words of “I love all of you” in hopes that one day you will stop worrying about what you perceive to be wrong with you…
I beg that you instead wholly believe with every fiber of your spirit that I love all of you as you love all of me.
You will one day lay in that thought like a soft hammock in a spring breeze on a sunny day.
You will feel held and caressed by the knowledge that I have connected all of me to all of you and you will bask in that without hesitation or doubt.
I implore you to give up one thing that you hold so frightfully onto......
The thought that you may love me more than I love you.
I fall upon my knees and pray you let go of the anxious forever painful thought that you aren’t worth being intimately and intensely loved as you are right now.
And with each catch of your anxious breath because the trauma in you doesn’t want to believe….
I ask that you remember these vows.
My strong hands.
My utter desperation to fight for us to the edge of sanity.
No one would climb this godforsaken mountain with someone if it wasn’t out of the truest and purest love and hope.
The promise of home.
So I ask….
I ask for you to let go.
Let go of something and let that something be that heavy burden that says that you are not loved nor worthy of receiving it.
Let go of it so fast that it feels like your body suddenly goes tossing and soaring into the air unburdened and free.
And imagine so, that searing self-inflicted weight that falls to the earth forever buried into the ground for all of time.
I ask for just this one thing- let me love you.
Let us both be each other’s home.