Fighting the Voices in My Head...
Just because you can find who's screaming, that does not mean the screams are not happening.
I woke up this morning and my heart was heavy... I was thinking of my past mistakes and many misdeeds and began to drag myself mentally in that same vicious tone that I have become accustomed to "You are just so stupid!"
"When will you ever learn!" , "COME ON!” again and again the same mistake, after it becomes an annoying and subconscious decision, the same mistake "Dude do better!" I begin to beat myself and scream at myself I begin sinking...drowning ...feeling like I am fighting, and losing, to Charybdis. I'm in a deep abyss surround by water...can't breathe and can't see ...losing myself in my thoughts being swallowed by my own self- pity...it feels like hours but really it's weeks...
having time pass but not feeling it. literally seeing everything and being unable to be present ...in it general confusion being playfully dismissed as ditzyness having brain fog and forgetting basic things..... I finally start swimming to the surface and out of the abyss, it's hard and tiring and exhausting but I am so determined and scared of how dangerously long I am able to wallow and what could happen if I don't change my mind to, for once, be on my side. when I finally come up I am gasping like I have been starved of air and I am dizzy by how warm and bright everything is... I begin swimming rapidly to safety I get so close! I am getting so close!! I am Almost THERE!!! and its as if Charybdis called out to Scylla and I get snatched from shore inches away from mental stability after fighting so fervently for myself and for my mind and for my chance at constant positivity, attempting to stop myself from slipping back into the darkest depths I am literally clawing at warm words of encouragement, hugs from friends and family! I am screaming and pleading desperately for a lifesaver and despite all of that I am losing... I am swallowed ...I am drowning and this time its darker than before and I don't think… I can... make… it... this... time ….
About the Creator
Gerlinda Pierre ( @BoostandPoofs13)
Carpe Diem and Carpe Noctem because I believe we are allowed to seize all 24 hours and I regularly decide to remain insatiable because I am breathing and I am living, and I am here. So I decided to put my thoughts in print and share. Enjoy!
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