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Fight Me

I'm tired of fighting myself

By R.K.Published about a year ago 4 min read
1
Fight Me
Photo by Anis Rahman on Unsplash

Do I get to stop fighting now?

Can I just be alive for the sake of living? What makes the fight more worthy than the rest? Tell me I can’t live with meaning unless I am fighting like I owe my blood and I tell you I’ve bled enough to fill oceans and deserts and every broken heart that beats to beat me. I’ve more than paid my king’s ransom so where, pray tell, is my throne to rest upon? Cut me open and find my veins dry good god what more do you want?

I fight to breath and I fight to eat and I fight to sleep and I fight to wake up again and I fight to walk and I fight to stop running and I fight to scream and I fight for my peace and quiet and I fight to be touched and I fight for my space and I fight for my sanity and I fight for the right to be this insane and I fight to love and I fight so that I am enough without it and I fight to learn and I fight for what I know and I fight for strength and I fight to be allowed to be soft and I am fighting you and I am fighting myself and I fight to hate more and I fight to care less and I fight to give a shit more than once a week and I fight how much I feel and I fight to feel any goddamned thing at all and I fight my past and I fight for my future and I fight like I still owe blood I can’t bleed and I fight like I’m about to cry and I fight back my tears and I fight for my laughter and I fight to end the drought in my eyes like christ I just wish I could cry and I fight all my demons and I fight to accept them and I fight my own fucking body and I fight to accept her and I fight to change her and I fight the doctors when they tell me I’m sick and I fight the doctors when they tell me I am well and I fight like my health is the heavy-weight belt and I am my own worst opponent I fight like if I go the distance I will be worth something and I fight like I just want it to end in the first round and I fight for the title and I fight for the clout and I fight so I can say I never cared about either one and I fight like it means I am special and I fight to be allowed to fade and I fight the idea that anyone could love me and I fight the idea that anyone couldn’t and I fight the very notion that I hate myself this much and I fight for the idea that I am allowed to love myself and I fight for my superiority and I fight for my inferiority and I let them fight each other for my soul and I fight for my soul like I believe in a heaven and I fight for my sins like I want to rule hell and I fight like I could death punch God and I fight like I’ve fucked around with the Devil and found out and I fight like I am the demon and the villain and the bad guy and the bitch and the ugly little black hearted red headed step sister who broke your barbie on your birthday and I fight like I’m the angel you fell in love with wearing white sweaters and a big doe-eyed smile and I’ll kiss you on the swing and mean it and I fight to kiss like I mean it and I fight back the urge to hug you like you mean everything and I fight just to look you in the eye and I fight to look at myself in the mirror and I fight not to stop in every window and stare at myself and I fight to win and I fight to be okay with what I’ve lost and I fight like the world owes me it’s blood back and I fight for the sweat and I fight for the rain and I fight like I haven’t seen the sun in days and I fight like I haven’t eaten in longer and I fight like it means getting either will somehow get easier and I fight like it’s my job and I fight like it’s fun and I fight and I fight like my bones will break and my and lungs give out and my spine will crack one vertebrae at a time out of my skin and my skull split open on the pavement because I have been fighting for so long I forgot how to stop and I fight like my life depends on it and I fight so that maybe someone, anyone, even you, will look at me one day and tell me

You’ve bled enough. You don’t have to fight anymore.

And I fight to be the one to say it. I’m tired of fighting my own words. Fuck.

surreal poetry
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About the Creator

R.K.

It’s been a while since I’ve had the heart to write, but once it’s in your bones, it’s in your soul.

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  • HandsomelouiiThePoet (Lonzo ward)about a year ago

    ❤️

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