Feigning

My feign is the high,

That I feel when I try

To drift away from today,

Into the clouds in the sky.

Tonight I was blind,

I took my guard down.

I am so fucking exhausted

Now I’ve completely lost it.

Any chance at feeling,

Anything else besides

Disgust at the time

I’ve waisted

on tears and crying out..

begging for some type of healing

And all I’ve received are more dealings.

Not what I perceived in the beginning..

No longer able to face this.

Tonight is the night.

I’m completely empty.

No shoes on my feet,

And no one to call,

During my time on that couch. And his clammy palm over my mouth.

I’m scared To resent and doubt

My Gods plans for me.

But tonight was the night,

I could no longer fight.

I was robbed blind in the night,

But Not the materialistic type.

He robbed my of my peace

And disrupted my sleep

For every coming day or night

for my damned eternity.

He took from me

The one thing I kept

The one thing I had

To feel like myself.

My body is burning,

And feels so dirty

In every spot he hurt me.

All this is repercussions of,

because,

his filthy hands

And soulless eyes

Took from me,

way too much.

And I finally had

Enough.

What else is to come,

I’m not sure this is what

I’m supposed to do,

But I’m numb.

I just need a hand

Out of this gutter I’m in.

I’m just tired of the stings

And sickening touch.

In the sweet eye of hell,

My soul is starting to shrink.

I went to sleep on the couch

And woke up to his audacity

I helplessly freaked,

And pushed him back off of me.

It wasn't too long

Before it was no longer a dream.

His grip is the cause

The one that's always too strong,

That causes all of the pain

And purple bruises I've got.

I wanna run away

So very very far

And never look back

And just think of it as,

A curveball I missed,

And Wasn’t able to catch.

Why me?

Why now?

I've been asking God how.

How do I earn my lesson

And finally breathe?

God please ..

Almighty where's my blessing?

I feel like I understood and absorbed this valuable session

I'm fairly tired.

And stripped of my pride

Once again by the guy

I've begged God,

Kneeled hell pleaded,

Even asleep in my dreams

Asking him please

To end my tragedy

I have no idea why

I’m targeted and

I’m,

Not confident in aim

But he knew All the ways to make

My biggest scrutiny,

Into the one that

I’d never

Himself is he who

Construed the shit I’ve been through.

My hell,

My most visual reality.

I can’t believe it’s been stolen.

My self worth

No longer Golden.

If not just gone

I’d look, but to me,

I’m invisible.

You see,

I miss myself

I know my son is going to notice

Mommy's heart on the shelf,

I just hope I get out

Before It gets the attention

Of the little boy I mentioned

God just help us through this.

And I promise,

I'll never go back

Or be foolish

I'll be Totally silent.

So ear-ringing quiet.

I'm not trying to fight

Or be an annoyance

I'm trying to stay strong

God what's with the avoidance,

What's taking so long?

For someone to come along,

And undo all of this harm?