Fatherhood

The terror in those chubby little digits,

The crippling, knee shattering glimmer,

And the sorrowful joy conjured by that smile.

As I hold you, and look down into your depths,

I can’t help but be eviscerated and condemned,

By the mark-less perfection I and this world will ruin.

You are the love I didn’t know I would lose,

One day as you are happy my heart will ache,

For I held you, my arms a cradle, now unable to hold you back.

If I am lucky, you will hate me,

You will be spoiled and cruel,

Signs I have done outstandingly.

But I have failed you if you are kind,

I have let the world hate you if you are understanding,

I am to be blame for you being reasonable.

Every step you take,

Every struggled word you spit,

I will mourn for it is you leaving me.

I won’t stand in your way,

Bending you into my potted plant,

Aching to have your limbs sprawled and free.

I look down on you, in my arms,

And you look up at me, carelessly sweet,

And I cannot be brave in the face of my love for you,

My sweet,

Unborn,

Cosette.