Erase and Rewrite

I looked back on some photos I used to hate

I still don’t love my clothes, they’re not all that great

But the reasons to despise the past are melting

New tunes and mantras my heart is belting

“I love you! “I see you!” “I know what you were thinking!”

Enlightenment replaces the old feeling of sinking

A chuckle escapes from deep in my throat

While I rewrite my story, erasing lies that he wrote

Those pigtails were cute for a girl of your age

That tv show on your shirt was all the rage

As out of place as those things look today

They were fine for back then, say what they may

I remember this trip to the zoo that I took

I remember how long mom begged me to look

At the camera instead of the antelope

I didn’t want my picture taken, I was trying to cope

With the fact that I dropped my ice cream cone

Daddy yelled at me without looking up from his phone

It ruined my day to have lost my treat

And to ruminate on the fact that “Later, I’m gonna get beat”

I touch the face of that worried little girl

In the picture she’s frozen, but her thoughts are a whirl

Of fear and disappointment and pleading with the Almighty

That they believe her apology made contritely

I know now that she escaped alive

From that beating and from the torture inside

Oh, look, this picture is from tenth grade

Before my first boyfriend pulled out a blade

What? He collected knives and things

Though I would have preferred sports cards or diamond rings

He meant me no harm, though now, quite surely

If the same thing happened to my daughter, I’d worry

Those braces would cut the inside of my mouth

Though she would smile if she could see how I turned out

The years of discomfort of growth and change

Put me where I am now, so I won’t exchange

This life for anything else I could imagine

Sometimes, unhappy things have to happen

To shape people into who they ought to be

I’m grateful for today, that I’m free to be me

The heartbreaks, the hardships were tough in the moment

But my life is my own, this is the path I’ve chosen

I can be sweet and kind, I’ve learned to be nicer

To my inner child, she’s safe and I cherish her.