Emotional Disgrace

The writing prompt came -

"What emotions do you find it hardest to accept within yourself?"

Wanted to leave this question sitting on the shelf

The tell-tale sign I needed to address 

Time to own up to myself and confess

Emotions that challenge my soul to express

Anger, pride and desire

Those I least admire

In me

Expected me

Why?

I try

To understand what they are telling me

The insights begging to be set free

I still don't know what they want me to know

I see it in my partner

I see it in my father

I see it in my youngest

It's my anger on show

Rage out of the cage

In an instant 

Inconsistent 

Fading then shading

A limit reached 

Righteousness leached

A way to be

Only I can see

Open eyes to what is

The answer to this pop quiz

Easy to say, not easy to do

Changing the feet in my shoe

In the heat of the moment 

Hindsight my necessary component 

Energy reducing

Drama producing 

Sometimes I need to leave

Sit in silence and breathe

Reset Reflect Reject

Accept

A vision of my choice 

Calmly use my voice

Return to listen 

Without opposition 

Make a decision 

Unconditional love

To what sized glove?

Now a ride with pride

I already feel fried

Anger left me depleted 

Luckily I'm still seated

Tall poppy syndrome 

Born in an Aussie home

Don't stand out

Or sellout

Or Doubt doubt

Who do you think you are?

You don't deserve to shine like a star

Dim your light, hush your voice 

Like you ever had a choice 

Do what you are told

Stay in the box we've sold

Don't make a fuss

And you'll get an A-plus

Success on a dirty plate

With no reserved date

Unless you play the game

And keep yourself lame

A balancing act tough to tame

Glad to exit the race

But do I still want to leave a trace? 

Purpose my way

But…

Is purpose disguised pride at play?

Desire makes me a liar

I don't know my soul's deepest desire

Creating is my passion, my fire

But is that the same thing as desire?

I want to experience it all

Even the parts I take a fall

But…Do I really?

Can I live and love and let life and love live freely?

Sometimes it hurts too much to see transparently

A longing for the filters to be back

Return to the comfy known track

Wishful thinking 

Not what I wanna be drinking

But… Wait. What. If. I….find….

Desire confuses my mind

A rhyming reflection 

Or mindful deception 

Who knows for sure?

Trust the universal law

All things for a reason 

Perfectly assigned season

Conditions met

Meaning set

To be

Just be

Me

Thanks for reading

Thanks for being you

Originally published on Medium