Ego lll: Undesirable Emotions

I know we were never truly a thing

But when I thought about you

It would make me want to dream

To be better than I was and more

It was scary to know

You were the one I adored

The closest thing I had to me

We let go before it could ever be

Some things are greater left a mystery

Other wise known as, the perfect fantasy

___

He still pops into my head from time to time. It was always the wonder of what it could have been if it actually did turn into something, but maybe that was the scary part. Would it have been a disaster? Or would it have actually turned into something good? I think I feared both to be honest but the mystery of it all kept me hanging on. I thought he was different, he made me want to be a better person, anything seemed possible. In my mind, who I wanted to be was possible. It was a beautiful feeling yet terribly tragic at the same time. I realized he was the first glimpse I ever had at the idea of falling in love with myself. That terrified me because I always questioned of whether or not I deserved love. I know now that I do, I just get to give it to myself first.