Destroyed Security

My long hair to hide my face or sometimes the tears falling

I cut it short, then buzzed half of it off to make a point

That I was not afraid of or under the control of him anymore

A blanket to cover the back of my head and side of my face to hide from uncomfortable feelings

Every night I feel the need to hide, as if something in the darkness will get to me if I don’t

My best friend and I comparing traumas, self-harm urges or scars...the desire to just not be

It probably can’t get any more toxic than it is and we don’t care because we’re best friends

My therapist telling me to trust her

I told her I did, but it was a lie

Because I don’t know how to

All the things that used to bring security to me have been taken away

To prove a point

To hurt myself

Or to get hurt...by someone else

Nothing and no one makes me feel safe or secure anymore