I lie awake, wide awake on this bed that I cannot bare to sleep on. Though it is not the bed that is the issue but my brain that is causing this. I do not know who is to blame, I don't want to point my fingers one way when they will just point another and betray me at the same time. There are days where even taking the smallest breath feels like acid is filling my lungs, days where I would rather jump off of the side of a cliff rather than seeing what tomorrow holds, then there are days where I am just O.K. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just neutral, in between. Days where I cannot open my eyes until the dead of night and no wonder I cannot sleep. It feels as if this road I am walking along is becoming more and more narrow than the days before; I have bad eyesight unless I wear my second pair of eyes but I can tell you now that this is not a narrow road it is just a thin, thin line. If I wanted be a tightrope walker wouldn't you imagine that is what I would have become? I do not want to be apart of this circus any longer but what more can I do? I have hardly been eating, I feel so weak. The problem is this sickness taking over me. It's not like I can just go see a shrink and it will all go away. No. I've talked enough. I do not want to talk anymore. My past is why I have this imbalanced chemical in my brain in the first place. Talking won't make these demons go away.