Dear TJ

I know it’s been a lifetime since you’ve heard from me

I’m sorry inseparable didn’t mean we couldn’t be separated

Remember when we went to the park?

You stopped to greet every dog we saw and told me how much you loved to be outdoors. Even if it was just a dingy excuse for recreation on the bad side of town. It was like meeting new people for you always sparked a contagious smile.

Remember when we’d go on those walks in the desert?

You somehow always convinced me to go jogging with you. Always kept upbeat now matter how much I complained. How you taught me what snake holes looked like and told me areas to stay away from. You were always so polite when my friend wanted to come along. You’d always take extra care to look after us both on those adventures.

Remember when I’d sit on the porch and cry?

All everyone ever seemed to do was talk and talk. Never anything useful to say but you, you’d just put your arm around me and sit there. We’d watch the sky turn dark and the stars blaze the sky until I’d stop crying. Just sat there with me, understanding without having to utter a single word.

Remember when we made up our own language and hand signals?

It’s like we were secret spies. The coordination and precision to execute every vocal cue or hand signal was a discipline we worked so hard to perfect. It was like being in sync was the best game we could play. Like if there was ever an apocalypse, we’d be the action heroes, never missing a single beat.

Remember the home invader, you broke the lock on my bedroom door to make sure I was safe?

We were home alone in the middle of nowhere. You told me to hide and that you’d take care of it. I’d never been so scared in my life but you somehow got the guy to leave us alone. I thought for sure we were going to die. He could have had a gun for all we knew but you confronted him head on, keeping me behind you the whole time. You were braver than I ever could have been. I’m still surprised you didn’t break any bones wrecking that lock.

Remember when you accidently broke my toy and dad beat you right then and there?

It was all my fault. I wish I never told him. If I had hid it in the trash you never would have gotten hurt. I hated every second of it. Thought you’d never trust me ever again. Yet somehow, you never once blamed me for what happened. You treated me as if you barely thought it happened at all. Acted as though I wasn’t at all responsible for that black eye or that limp. We were just as close as we’d ever been.

Remember when I’d get those headaches and you’d always come to check on me?

Even though there was nothing you could do, you’d still look in to see if I needed anything all the time. The worry and concern was plastered all over your face. It was like if you didn’t check on me every few minutes, you thought you were going to lose your best friend. They were just migraines but you acknowledged how miserable they made me more than anyone else.

I remember.

Thanks for being the big brother I needed so badly.

Even being a dog.