Dear Ma

"DEAR MA"

Poem derived from my first completed journal, Black and Blue (2018-2019). Written July 28th 2018.

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Dear Ma,

I want to be nothing like you when I become a mother.

Dear Ma,

I'm sorry,

and I forgive you.

I wish you really knew how I felt,

caught in a crossroad between

constantly wanting to spew fire at your face

and grabbing this same exhausted,

beautiful face and kissing you,

hugging you, holding your hand.

I wish affection feel your spirit

the way it does mine.

I wish I wasn't so mad at you,

so mad that I felt to write this stupid poem

like a fucking diary entry.

The way it doesn't make sense to anyone but me is a clear indicator

that my mind is not all good when I think about you.

Dear Ma,

I love picturing your beautiful laugh in my head,

but it sometimes gets clouded by the fact sometimes,

My mind tries to convince me

that I'll never be good

enough to live on this world with you as my Ma.

Mama,

Veronica

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I forgive you.