Dead Inside

by Jane Smith 4 months ago in sad poetry

I will be ok

Dead Inside

Dead inside

Blood is pumping through my veins

I am alive

But I am dead inside

I am walking but I am not connected

My body is all it is

The life-force within me has gone

I am here but I am not

People and children

Separate from me

No longer any bond of humanity

I hear but the sound is distant

It is cold, snowy hills

But for once I can’t feel it

Not whinging or shivering

Nothing

My eyes are open

But I cant see anymore

There is a filter

Even the sun cant penetrate

The world is now like watching a movie

I am not in it

I am just watching from the side-lines

Bradford buildings

That usually amaze me

And I look at with awe and wonder

Are no longer that

Just grey and ugly

Dull and dingy

Like I feel inside

People look at me but my eyes are hollow

No longer the doorway to my soul

They are empty

Shrouded in darkness

Life-less

Lifeless and avoiding

I need to reconnect but I dont know how

This place scares me

I feel trapped and alone

Where is god?

Who I found and rejoiced in

No faith in you anymore

Unless you show me a sign

No! No hope at all

Hunger even evades me

I know I need to eat

Need the strength to carry on

But I dont care for this body

It is no longer me

Disconnected

I feel nothing

I am in some kind of trance

Every part of me tingles

Like pins and needles

I can feel my body

But that is all

It doesn’t feel like me

My senses are heightened

Sounds are shrill

Touch electrifying

But I also feel dulled

NUMB

Totally and utterly vibrating on another plain

A body and a brain

Missing my soul

The part that makes me, me

I need to get grounded

I need nature

I need to see such beauty that it reignites me

I need a miracle basically

I cant think straight

If at all

My brain and heart are severed

Thoughts and feelings no longer aligned

My mind lets me feel nothing

It cant deal with the intensity

The crippling pain

Worse than death

Because I am still alive

Living this hell

I seek something more

I have to keep going

I need to find a flicker of light

Solitude helps

Time to look inside myself

Try to find something

To cling to

So I dont drown

I feel dead inside

But I will survive

sad poetry
Jane Smith
Jane Smith
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Jane Smith

I write my feelings, my secrets, my distress and my desires. All my stories are true. I have bipolar disorder so my life is like a thousand lives in one. Writing is therapy for me. I hope you enjoy my stories and poetry.

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