Dead inside
Blood is pumping through my veins
I am alive
But I am dead inside
I am walking but I am not connected
My body is all it is
The life-force within me has gone
I am here but I am not
People and children
Separate from me
No longer any bond of humanity
I hear but the sound is distant
It is cold, snowy hills
But for once I can’t feel it
Not whinging or shivering
Nothing
My eyes are open
But I cant see anymore
There is a filter
Even the sun cant penetrate
The world is now like watching a movie
I am not in it
I am just watching from the side-lines
Bradford buildings
That usually amaze me
And I look at with awe and wonder
Are no longer that
Just grey and ugly
Dull and dingy
Like I feel inside
People look at me but my eyes are hollow
No longer the doorway to my soul
They are empty
Shrouded in darkness
Life-less
Lifeless and avoiding
I need to reconnect but I dont know how
This place scares me
I feel trapped and alone
Where is god?
Who I found and rejoiced in
No faith in you anymore
Unless you show me a sign
No! No hope at all
Hunger even evades me
I know I need to eat
Need the strength to carry on
But I don't care for this body
It is no longer me
Disconnected
I feel nothing
I am in some kind of trance
Every part of me tingles
Like pins and needles
I can feel my body
But that is all
It doesn’t feel like me
My senses are heightened
Sounds are shrill
Touch electrifying
But I also feel dulled
NUMB
Totally and utterly vibrating on another plane
A body and a brain
Missing my soul
The part that makes me, me
I need to get grounded
I need nature
I need to see such beauty that it reignites me
I need a miracle basically
I cant think straight
If at all
My brain and heart are severed
Thoughts and feelings no longer aligned
My mind lets me feel nothing
It can't deal with the intensity
The crippling pain
Worse than death
Because I am still alive
Living this hell
I seek something more
I have to keep going
I need to find a flicker of light
Solitude helps
Time to look inside myself
Try to find something
To cling to
So I don't drown
I feel dead inside
But I will survive
About the Creator
A J Barker
I love writing poetry! Initially just for me, a cathartic exercise where I could express my feelings safely. Now I share my work: my goal to write for a living so I write, avidly, knowing the only way I will become a writer is if I write.
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