Days & Nights

Worried every time I heard the sirens.

I followed them with my eyes and ears.

Praying they were not going to you.

Screaming in my head, “Not again, Not again.”

Alarmed each time I received your call.

Alarmed each time I received your text.

Praying you were not saying goodbye, again.

Dread ruled my day,

While fear controlled my night.

Holding back my true emotions,

For fear of words that may become your reason.

Each time I said in anger,

Word and thought manipulation was your play,

Having guilt overwhelm me.

Each time you lay asleep,

Each time you cried your day away,

Each time you made inferences,

Each time you lost your way.

I wondered if it was your last day.

Anger ruled my days,

While hate controlled my nights.

Memory tries to conceal the past,

But, haunting images still last.

Present and past is gone,

Painful recollections are still present.

Memories of Blood, men, blades, pills, and the unreal,

torment me night and day.

Each day wondering if it were your last day.

Each night wondering if it were your last breath.