Dancing in Paradise

Right now I know I am being really selfish .

Because I am sure he is happy in the paradise he lives in

I am sure he is twirling around to his favorite song ,

My abuela in his arms,

A rose between their chests.

I can see her comforting him ,

Reassuring him that she was always there .

That she still loves him and will continue to be his dance partner ,

Even in their spiritual years.

I can hear her soft voice whispering,

That he did his best and that she is so proud.

His mother is most likely laughing on the sidelines.,

Watching her baby boy dance.

Tearing up at finally being reunited with her son .

I know he is in a better place

But that doesn't make the ache in my heart go away.

I am sure his room has a balcony,

Even though he doesn't need sleep.

It has the views of his island ,

His home ,

His precious memories.

And even while I am crying,

I am sure he is fine.

Happy .

Calm .

And more than okay .

Laying back on a couch designed just for him ,

Watching a television positioned in such a way that even when he blinks he doesn't miss a thing.

Shouting the words along to his favorite actor ,

in a western film way before my days.

Like I said,

I get it .

He is in heaven.

Paradise ,

A better place.

He is no longer sick ,

He is no longer sad,

He is healthy and okay,

and like I said,

That doesn't make my pain go away!

I really am selfish ,

I can see him with his friends .

Laughing at inside jokes from his university days .

They are cheering him on ,

Catching up on what they've missed.

Humming to a song embedded into their most precious memories.

They are hugging ,

Happy to be reunited again ,

Excited to be able to spend time with dear friends ,

Congratulating each other on everything they've missed .

He is no longer old ,

He is no longer sick ,

And I am glad he is okay.

I don't know what I believe in,

But whatever paradise exists ,

That's exactly where he is living.

And he is more than okay

And maybe after I am done grieving,

I will finally feel okay.