Crimson Waltz

Every night I dream the same dream

Caught like a deer in headlights gleam, I want to scream

But inside I lay inert, caught like a fly mummified in a web

Only my captor is no monster or arachnid instead I find myself trappwd by this flase reality

Frozen like a paraplegic

I’m terrified and even if it’s all just a dream it feels all to real to me

I’m staring up at the ceiling lost and mesmerized by the glow of bathrooms candescent light

Outside I don’t know if it’s day or night

My heart feels troubled stuck in plight

But the warmth of the water around me cradles me tight

Soothing me like a mother bosom making things almost feel alright

Around me Blood and water continue to dance the waltz

My hearts lost to an eternal pause

Crimson red swirls make their own scene and I find myself captivated by the intricacy in the simplicity, all the while I lay stuck; trapped by some invisible vise like jaws

What happens when you realize your lost but don’t know the cause

Bleeding out like a wound without treatment or gauze

Trapped like an animal who claws and claws

But finally gives up exhausted too far gone down a dead end track

Realizing theres no way to turn back

No one to blame or reason to cut myself slack

My wounds burns like hells hottest inferno and that’s not an exaggeration but facts

But by now the cocktail of pills, edibles and wine are the only consolation for the pain that looms in my mind

I want to scream or escape but I’m stuck in sleep paralysis’s bind

So as the water and blood runneth over on to bathroom tile

I’m in pain but enchanted too

Somewhere deep down subdued

Voices of warning

“Your drowning, your bleeding, your oding”

All trying to stir me from the rest

Visions of seeds make my tear ducts bleed

But mine isn’t an escape due to greed

Not an escape at all but a nightmare or a dream

Or perhaps some altered version of reality

I can’t fathom a face in the wake of finding me this way

In the end i just hope I leave something for the seeds to grow into tall trees

I watch as my wrist and heart bleed

In aide I hope my kin will feed

May they find a strength to breed and develop their own creed

Stuck in a life and dream that seem unreal

I watch myself drown and bleed knowing a sinners fate is what awaits

I make one last beckoning cry to the sky

I ask why

And then as I slip away and die I hope a better destiny will find those who survive

And who knows maybe in death an audience I will find

For now I submit to the sandman’s grip

Lifeless and yellow like a newborn with Jaundice I doubt I’ll survive the trip

And truth be told there’s no light at the end of the tunnel or spectacular ship

Just darkness and series of blips

Memories pan out like movie clips

Decisions play out like a game of poker and I see how often I’d push in my chips

In the end there’s no consolation prize

All in means you either fail or win

Live a life of virtue or sin

But then just like that you realize it’s just been a moment

An eternal moment that requires you to own it

What comes next for me is darkness

Nothing more, nothing less

Or is it just a deep disturbed rest

Dream or reality

Sleep paralysis has found me.