Confession: I'm Tired.

Its 2020, and I’m tired.

I’m tired of working constantly,

Of wondering if I worked enough to pay my rent, student loans, and other bills,

Of doing the same thing over again each day,

Of working so hard just in the hopes that one day life will get better,

Of seeing my father work so hard for his entire life and still be struggling.

I’m tired of the culture we have created in our society that doesn’t value rest, mental health, and happiness.

I’m tired, yet I still work.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of staying inside,

Of social distancing and wearing masks,

Of reading news headlines that make me scared, worried, or fearful,

Of seeing another black person getting killed by the police,

Of watching people rage at one another for not believing in the same issues that they believe in.

I’m tired of the culture we have created in our society where people we disagree with are labeled bigots, idiots, racists, sexists, transphobic, or homophobic.

I’m tired, yet I still stay inside.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being online.

Of seeing the world burning at my fingertips,

Of internet feuds, viral “clickbait” stories, and canceling.

Of watching people try to police other people’s lives as if they know anything about them,

Of pretending that we are all holier than Jesus Christ or Buddha.

I’m tired of the culture we have created in our society that has made us incapable of seeing our own issues and problems as we constantly point figures at each other.

I’m tired, yet I’m still online.

I’m tired.

Yet, I constantly ask myself,

“Why am I so tired?”

“Why am I still working?”

“Why do I still stay inside?”

“Why am I still online?”

Because I believe.

I believe that I won’t have to work all the time and that I can actually enjoy and live my life,

That my work will provide me so much fulfillment and abundance,

That everyday I will wake up and feel excited for a brand new day, doing something I love,

That I will be living the life that I’ve dreamed of.

That I will work hard enough so my father won’t have to work anymore.

I believe we will create a culture in our society that values hard work, dedication, rest, mental health, and happiness.

I believe, so I still work.

I believe.

I believe that quarantining will be a joke our generation tells for years to come,

That social distancing and wearing masks will be a thing of the past,

That the news will show stories of humanity, compassion, and hope and uplift everyone that watches.

That no more people of color will die at the hands of corrupt police officers, and that our communities will heal and grow together.

That people will support each other and understand that everyone has a valid perspective.

I believe we will create a culture in our society where people will be able to disagree with each other, and still be able to go out to lunch together and share in love and laughter.

I believe, so I still stay inside.

I believe.

I believe that we will all spend more time living our lives than actually being online.

That we will see our friends, family, and world thriving at our fingertips,

That we will create a space online that is open to healing, compassion, and understanding,

That we will stop trying to tear each other down and help each other in our own healing,

That we will acknowledge that we are all far from perfect.

I believe we will create a culture in our society that allows us to safely discuss our own flaws as we help each other in heal and grow beyond them.

I believe, so I’m still online.

I believe.

So, I constantly tell myself,

“Continue to have faith.”