Chivalry Is Not Dead in the Men's Room

A Poem

Chivalry Is Not Dead in the Men's Room

I’ve heard the Rules of Men in Men’s Rooms

Don’t Make Eye Contact

Don’t Use the Urinal Directly Next to Another Man

And For God’s Sake,

Don’t Look Down!!

Women don’t have rules like that.

The more the merrier.

We go to the bathroom in groups.

We hand each other toilet paper under the partitions.

We will have long drawn out conversations between the stalls about life and love

and our friends and strangers

on the other side

will chime in,

but we are bitches

and we will not let you cut in front of us to go pee

you will stand in line for an hour doing that little dance we are all so familiar with.

The men’s room is a completely different story.

I’ve been on dates with men who

don’t open doors,

don’t want to pay, and

don’t even know how to carry on a conversation.

Chivalry is dead in the real world.

But not in the men’s room.

Men will let a woman cut in line in a bathroom she’s not even supposed to be in.

“Oh miss, I insist. You’re more than welcome to take your piss first”

“Why thank you kind sir. I greatly appreciate it.”

Men will make sure you are comfortable in there too.

“Do you need a drink sweetheart?”

“Is that toilet seat comfortable?”

Of course I say yes to both,

I would love a drink

and if this seat wasn’t comfortable,

how would you fix that little problem?

Your lap perhaps?

No thank you sir.

And men don't care if YOU look down.

“How you doin?”

I’ve spent my fair share in the men’s room.

I was using men’s rooms long before HB2 was an issue.

As of today,

I have lost three drinks,

two pairs of panties

and one boyfriend

in the men’s room

but I have made countless friends.

I wash my hands

I leave

and then I’m opening my own doors again

and paying for my own drinks

and listening to sports stats and political rants that I don’t give a fuck about.

I’m in women’s rooms watching women put on makeup

while I eyeball them with jealousy

because I can’t even apply lip gloss the right way.

And I go on with my life wishing I was back in my happy place,

because chivalry

is not dead

in the men’s room

performance poetry
Read next: I Am A Bullet.
Roulette Weekend
writer, poet, blogger, supermom, shower singer, social media addict, music junkie, dog nanny, warrior
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