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C.R.E.A.M.

Sometimes we desire things that aren't good for us.

By Love ChukesPublished 3 years ago 2 min read
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When insanity peaked, I couldn’t just rub my eyes. It clawed at my inner eyelids and climbed up the ribs left in my chest. I was filled with this desire to let go of what no longer served me- the messages never sent, the calls never returned, the time never spent, spotlights with nobody to show for it. I lost my pepe and sugar. I couldn’t muster a smile if touch tickled my insides. I didn’t allow time for suffering to exist. Salt water pricked, welled up, but never jumped. All my fear turned to anger. It was easier to feel aggressively than in the quiet. I was afraid. If I had shed tears for you, I wasn’t sure that they would ever stop. I was too afraid to mourn; they say it’s all a part of acceptance and feeling things. but even the unnatural things, the forbidden, the taboo, the hidden- when it all came to light, did you still love everything you saw?

Secretly, it drove me crazy. Not because I hadn’t considered the possibility that it could all be lost, but because you never let me in to find you. It was like you simply knew I’d show up because I always did, because I tried my best with what I always known to do. When even my best wasn’t good enough, I sat quietly and never allowed myself to cry too long for you. Love was lost, not gone. Searching for an existence where happiness didn’t depend on whether you loved me back or not. The sleep was not rest, but escape. I sought respite in a place one could only reach without trying. If I saw you again, I don’t know what’d I do. Yet, all I wanted was to hold you and never let go. If I could. If you were mine. In the end, though, possession never kept anything intact, but the ego, and the truths untold with it. In loving you, I found myself alone, bound to memories that wanted me near. I was afraid to let go to the idea of victory without you. The little wins felt hollow. Still, we cherished the day granted with us in mind.Another chance to figure out how to find the peace over the white noise.

love poems
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About the Creator

Love Chukes

"She wore her heart like high fashion. She had small shame in her game. She wrote with purest intentions. She held her mind to the blame."

I enjoy writing poetry, short stories, sudden revelations, and human confessions.

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