Breaking

You were never in love with me.

The thought hits me like a cresting wave.

The weeks, now months, I've spent pouring over every memory

Clinging to every memory

Living in every memory

it's a glowing ember slowing to a halting darkness

You tried to tell me.

You tried to warn me.

All of the obstacles between us, every problem I had tossed and turned over, looking for a solution

Useless.

I was ignoring the truth all along.

I have no doubt you loved me.

To imply anything less would be a tragedy.

But you couldn't allow yourself to be in love with me, could you?

You weren't ready for it.

I'm not ready for it.

I'm not ready to let go.

Listen.

There will always be a part of me to you.

A string of peppermint dental floss wrapped around my lower right rib.

And a lingering, bittersweet aftertaste

But it's time I make my conclusion.

Three months,

Twenty-four days,

God knows how many hours,

...and I am finally broken.

You have broken me.

Now I trudge through knee-deep waves.

When I stop, I sink with every receding wave;

My own weight pushing me farther into the sand,

Closer to the water,

Closer to giving in.

Think of the irony...

To drown with shore only five feet away.

But I can't risk walking on solid ground.

The minute I step back on the the beach, I know what I'll see;

Miles and miles of solitary, sandy footprints.

Stretching back beyond the horizon behind me.

As far as I can see,

As long as I can remember.

I've always been alone.

Especially when I hoped most I wasn't.

I've only ever walked with ghosts.

Now the ghost of solitary footprints ahead haunts me.

Chased off only by the brackish waves.