Body Dysmorphic Disorder
'Maybe I am sick.'
I’ve never been able to see quite right
How I look
My own physical body
Has never been perceived correctly
“You have body dysmorphic disorder”
Says all the professionals
There’s nothing more painful than looking in a mirror
And feeling such hatred for the person staring back
That your heart starts to pound
Faster and faster
Then the tears and anger comes boiling to the surface
Because everyone is telling you you’re not eating enough
“You’re starving yourself.”
“You’re going to die if you don’t eat.”
“You’re sick.”
All sound like lies
The reality of it is
My hip bones created a valley
My chest ached
My ribs all visible, curved around my organs that were holding onto what little life I had left
My spine, bumpy and bruised from the backs of hard plastic chairs
“Maybe I really am sick”
Because not even the self-inflicted cuts or burns hurt me
As much as looking in the damn mirror every day
And not understanding what everyone else says they see
About the Creator
Amanda Olejniczak
I am a writer, poet, and proud advocate for mental health. Addtional content I create can be found on Instagram: @amanda_unfiltered or @amanda_unfiltered_poetry.
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