Blue

There was an acute smile in his cheeks as he stared not directly at me but close in my direction, just past my left ear. I dropped my head a little lower without even realizing it, and I don't think he was trying to do it on purpose so he wasn't cruel about it, but it had to come out some time so he might as well tell me the thing I could have least wanted to hear while he was slightly inebriated. I felt the black cloud creep over my head as my heart sunk deep into my chest and my body shrunk into its soul while my hope for what would never be diminished just as fast as the drink in his hands.

I started to speak a sentence but was so incredibly nauseous over his words I couldn't think of a damn thing to say. My voice was soundless though inside my head it was screaming at me with the million things I wanted to yell at him; I wanted to tell him how stupid he was and I wanted to punch him in the face for not realizing, for not being able to see with his very own two magnificently beautiful blue eyes.

I wanted so badly to tell him that I was so incredibly in love with him, that I tingled every time I was near him, that I never wanted to not be in his arms and that I couldn't stop thinking about his kiss. I wanted to tell him, all of these feelings that I was feeling, these feelings that were pushing themselves to the edge of my lips like a bubbling pool of hot lava on the verge of exploding and pouring out of my mouth too quickly, too freely.

But I also didn't want to tell him any of this.

So I bit my tongue like I do.

Silently suffering inside because that's what the strong ones do.

But then I learned that this is what is becoming graceful. Being content with yourself and letting someone you feel intense emotions for be free. This is true friendship, and this is love. This is also goodbye, but it too is hello again.

And when he said goodnight, and when he walked away,

I stopped my imagination from running after him.

But he said his words.

He loved me.

And he walked away.

But he didn't even hug me.