Being Uncomfortable

Avoid

Detach

These are the things I told myself

Whenever someone got too close

How could I have known this was wrong?

All I ever saw growing up taught me this was right

Was it right to avoid any uncomfortable feelings?

Was it okay to detach and end the relationship in my head?

Life doesn’t consist of black or white for me

Only believing my actions were wrong or right doesn't give me the healing I need

It has taken many years and many painful relationships for me to learn

The lessons that were always there

I wasn’t the problem, and neither were they

My insecure attachments drove a wedge between us

It dehumanized them down to red flags

That gave me the green light to go

But my truth is this

I was uncomfortable with them getting too close, too intimate

So, I drank to avoid processing the feelings

I was uncomfortable because I saw no future with them

So, I detached without telling them

I was mentally gone long before my actions were clear

However, I've learned this

To become comfortable with processing the uncomfortable

To speak up for what I want

For what I need

Communication is a two-way street and I shut down my side

I had to take down the detour signs, the traffic cones, the barriers

But my street is finally open again